Page 77 of Hard Rock Love
“You know that’s not what I’m saying,” I replied patiently.
Seth went quiet. He traced a finger along the edge of the sofa, not meeting my eyes.
“Talk to me,” I said softly. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“It’s just—” he cut himself off, exhaling noisily through his nose. He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m happy for everyone. I really am.”
I put a hand on his leg and rubbed soothingly.
“I know you are,” I said. “I told you, I won’t judge.”
“I’ve just always been the one who makes them laugh,” Seth blurted out. “The one who helps them forget all that angst they’re always carrying around. It’s a good feeling, knowing that I’m helping them feel better, you know?”
I nodded silently to show I was listening, to show that I understood.
“Some mornings everyone would come in for practice and the mood would just be awful. Cerise would be freaking out about something and Gael would be worrying about Cerise, and Nathan would be a ball of stress and…” He shrugged. “I’d crack a lame joke and the mood would change. They’d groan at me, but they’d smile anyway. And it felt good. But recently…”
“You said everyone’s doing much better.”
“And I’m thrilled, I really am,” he said insistently. “It just… It feels like no one needs me anymore.”
“You know that’s not true,” I said.
“I know.” He rubbed a tired hand over his face. “I’m such a selfish asshole, feeling jealous that my friends are happy without me.”
“You’re allowed to have feelings, Seth.”
“Yeah, I guess….” He trailed off, not sounding convinced.
“Think of it this way,” I said. “You don’t have to focus on making other people happy anymore. You even said yourself you thought those art things were pretentious but you still went with Cerise to cheer her up.”
“It is nice not having to pretend I understand the meaning of a broken bicycle wheel on a pedestal.” He snorted a quick laugh. “Contemporary art is weird.”
“See?” I said. “You don’t have to worry about the others anymore. Now you can focus on doing what makes you happy.”
“You make me happy,” he said.
“And you make me happy.” I uncurled my legs and put both hands on his cheeks. “Things have changed and you’re just feeling a little lost, that’s all. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Thank you for understanding,” he said. “And for not thinking I’m a selfish asshole.”
“It’s okay to be a little selfish,” I said. “Remember, this is a good thing. You don’t need to always focus on everyone else’s happiness.”
Seth nuzzled into my hand and kissed my palm. Then he trailed his lips down my palm to the inside of my wrist and placed a kiss on my pulse point. My heartbeat sped up. He continued on, kissing up my inner arm. He reached my elbow and I squealed, arm jerking away.
His eyes lit up in amusement.
“Did I find a ticklish spot?” he asked.
“No.”
I tried to get up, but he tumbled me over and pressed me into the sofa cushions. He captured my wrists in his hands and buried his head in the crook of one elbow, giving me sloppy wet kisses.
“No, no, no!” I shrieked and wriggled, trying to escape. “No tickling!”
He chuckled and relented with one last smack of his lips.
“You’re evil,” I told him with a glare.
