Page 82 of Crash and Burn
My door didn't have a peephole, so I peeked through the crack. I couldn't see anything.
I opened the door a few inches, wary.
My whole body twitched violently.
It was Grant, standing there with messy dark hair and insistent blue eyes. His hands were held loosely by his side but his fists clenched and unclenched reflexively.
"Can we talk?" he asked.
It would have been rude to slam the door in his face. The part of me that was pissed off urged me to do just that. The heartbroken part of me was in too much shock and pain to have the urge to do anything but cry.
But as I stood there, staring into Grant's eyes, I recognized the desperation in them, and enough heartache to rival my own.
I sighed and turned my back, leaving the door wide open for Grant to enter. Hesitant footsteps followed me in. I went to the kitchen and started making a pot of tea, just to have something to do with my hands.
The apartment was silent as the kettle boiled. The tension rose with every second. My shoulders hunched higher and higher, until they were nearly touching my ears, my hackles rising in anticipation. My hands trembled as I searched through the cupboard to find my favorite chocolate chai rooibos.
It wasn't until I was dunking the teabag into my mug that Grant spoke up.
"I want to explain," were his first words.
"Then explain," I said shortly, staring into my tea, not turning around to face him. "Explain who that girl was. Explain why she kissed you. Explain why you walked out with her. Explain why you ignored all my texts." I finally lifted my head and shot Grant a dark look. "There's a whole hell of a lot you need to explain."
"I know." He opened his mouth. He closed it. A frustrated look crossed his face, a familiar expression. The one he used to wear whenever he had something to say to me but didn't have the words. I used to wonder if that look meant he was trying to express his feelings for me in some way. Now I just wondered when he was going to get it the hell over with.
I took a sip of my tea and raised an eyebrow.
"Are you going to get started with that explanation any time soon?" I asked.
"Alana and I were best friends," Grant blurted out. "We've known each other since we were kids. Sammy looked up to her like an older sister. She was like a part of the family."
He stopped. I stared. He heaved a breath.
"I fell in love with her," he confessed quietly. "Completely head over heels. I didn't tell her for the longest time. I didn't want to ruin what we had."
A pang went through my heart. A familiar excuse.
"But eventually it became too much." Grant ran a hand over his face, covering his eyes. "I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. So I told her. I told her I loved her." He lowered his hand, revealing an anguished face. "It ruined everything."
Despite myself, the slightest hint of sympathy twinged in my chest.
"She didn't feel the same way?" I guessed.
Grant nodded once.
"So what happened?" I asked, a bite to my words. "Clearly she had a change of heart or she wouldn't have tried to devour your face in front of everyone."
"Alana's been through some tough times recently. It made her re-think some things." Grant raised a hand before I could object. "I know, that's not a good enough excuse."
"There's absolutely no excuse for what you did," I bit out. "You left with another woman after she kissed you and didn’t give me a single word of explanation. What am I supposed to think about that?"
"I'm so sorry," he said desperately. "Seeing Alana again... it completely threw me off. She had so much to tell me. We spent the entire night talking. Well, and in her case, crying," he admitted. "I hadn't realized my phone wasn't charged and I wasn't getting any messages. I didn't mean to ignore you."
"Is that all it takes, then?" I gritted my teeth. "A pretty girl cries on you and you forget about everything else?"
Grant looked shamefaced.
"You have to understand," he begged. "I've been in love with Alana for half my life. She meant everything to me. And when I lost her, I was devastated. It took a long time for me to be okay again. Having her walk back into my life so suddenly..." Grant swallowed hard. "It feels like a second chance," he whispered.
