Page 93 of Crash and Burn
"I just wish I had Grant back," I said. "The old Grant, the one who was my best friend. It would be so much easier to deal with the other stuff if I knew he was on my side."
"Do you think you'll ever get to that point?" Jessie asked. "Do you think you could ever go back to being friends?"
I contemplated her question seriously.
"I honestly don't know.” I played with my drinking glass, circling my finger around the edge. "I don't know how I feel about everything that happened, other than hurt and angry.” My voice trembled as a lump formed in my throat. "Why couldn't that Alana girl have shown up earlier, before we'd gotten together? It still would have hurt, seeing him with another woman, but it wouldn't have completely ripped my heart out."
"I'm so sorry that happened," Jessie said, reaching out to pat my hand consolingly. She was a calming, reassuring presence. I was now grateful to Mason for bringing me here.
"And then there's the matter of that asshole Carling." I slumped forward and rested my forehead on the table. Luckily the surface wasn't sticky. The table was simply wobbly from uneven legs. "I hate him with the fire of a thousand burning suns," I said, my voice muffled by the tabletop.
Jessie chuckled lightly at my fervent statement.
"I really thought this was going to be it," I told her, repeating what I'd thought to myself a hundred times. "My big break."
"Just because one guy tricked you doesn't mean it's your only chance," Jessie said. "There are other ways to get into the fashion industry. It'll just be a bit more hard work."
"I guess I was naive to think something that amazing would fall right into my lap," I said. "I should have known something was up. My mom was right." I heaved a heavy sigh. "The whole thing was a scam."
"Your mother was being cautious, looking out for you," Jessie soothed. "I don't think you're naive for jumping on the chance to work with a famous designer. You always hear about actors being discovered by agents while working as a waiter or something. Why couldn't it have happened to you?"
"Because I'm not that lucky," I replied. "Maybe I should just do what my mom wants. Quit, and go back to school and be a paralegal."
"What?"
I turned to find Mason standing behind me, a beer in hand.
"You're thinking of leaving?" he asked, a shocked expression on his face.
I lowered my eyes to my now-empty drink.
"Maybe," I admitted. "Things didn't work out with that fashion designer and considering everything going on between me and Grant..." I shrugged.
"You can't leave Sin and Tonic," Mason said, sounding bewildered. "You and GrantareSin and Tonic. I'd never be able to find someone who cares as much about the bar and its customers as you do."
"It's just a job, Mason."
Even as I said it, my heart ached. I really did love that bar.
But Carling's betrayal had done a number on me. Because of him, I'd started thinking about my future beyond Sin and Tonic. Starting thinking about a real career for myself, doing something I was passionate about and getting recognition for it. Aside from Mason, no one was going to praise me for serving customers their drinks.
And considering how hard it was for me to work next to Grant every day...
I leaned back heavily in my chair with a sigh.
"Maybe it's time I moved on," I told Mason.
His face fell dramatically, dismayed.
"I'd really hate to see you go," he said. "I know Grant and Evan would, too."
"Grant is part of the reason why I'm leaving," I said. "I know I said we could be mature adults about this, but..." I clenched my hands around the empty glass. "Seeing him every day is like getting a knife to the chest."
Mason stared at me, then nodded slowly.
"I understand," he said. "We'll all really miss you. But you have to do what's best for you."
"Even I don't know what's best for me," I said. "I'm just making it all up as I go along."
