Page 53 of Hot and Bothered
I leaned against the doorjamb, using it to keep myself upright.
My face crumpled.
My eyes stung.
I was sure Evan had an innocent explanation.
But…
What if he didn’t?
20
Ireturned home much later with the butter and eggs.
“Is everything okay?” Evan asked from the kitchen table as I toed off my shoes and lined them up in the front closet. “You were out for a long time.”
“I went for a walk,” I said.
I had wandered around the neighborhood for hours before I even thought of making a stop at the corner store. I thought the walk might clear my mind. I thought it might help me think things through, that I might come to some sort of conclusion.
But I’d spent the entire time in a daze, remembering over and over again the words from those messages.
A girl had asked Evan what he was doing tonight and offered to stay over.
I tried to rationalize it away. It might have been someone Evan dated before me, someone who didn’t know he was in a relationship now. Maybe it had been a casual thing and she was just checking in? That wasn’t too farfetched. I could see that happening.
But every time I imagined asking Evan about it, nausea rose up from my stomach, coating my throat and threatening to spew out of my mouth.
What if all those rationalizations were just wishful thinking on my part?
If I came right out and asked Evan about it, I risked the possibility of him telling me that all my worst fears were true. That there was another woman. That he was dating someone else. That he was cheating on me.
I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take the thought that Evan had been lying to me this entire time. Just the very idea of it made me want to retch on the spot.
But perhaps even worse than finding out he’d been lying was what might come after.
There was no way I’d be able to go back to sleeping in that spare room, to having breakfast with him every morning, to working side-by-side at Sin and Tonic. I’d be back to where I started. Alone, vulnerable, without a place to stay.
I’d have to go back to my parents. I’d have no other choice. I hadn’t saved enough money for an apartment of my own, not when I would need first and last month’s rent, plus enough money to buy some furniture. And I’d be jobless again. I’d have to go back to living off my family’s wealth.
I’d come so far. I thought I’d finally found a way to live on my own terms.
But now all of that was at risk.
If Evan had been lying to me this entire time, there was no way I could continue living and working with him.
“You need help putting the groceries away?” Evan asked.
“No,” I said.
I walked past him to the fridge to put the food away. I studiously avoided his eyes, just in case he noticed the turmoil raging inside them.
“Mason asked us to come in early,” he said. “I guess there’s a popular band playing tonight and he’s afraid the crowd is going to get out of control, especially because it’s a Saturday.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Are you good to go?” he asked as he powered down his tablet.
