Page 95 of Hard Rock Desires
“Did you notice that every time we get together I make snarky comments about how much easier it would be if you still lived here?”
“You’re right that it was easier to coordinate before I moved out.” Micah’s eyes went round. “Oh,” he said as understanding dawned on him. “I moved out.” He nodded to himself. “That’s it, isn’t it? I left the mansion. I left everyone.”
TheI left youstayed unspoken.
I groaned and flopped back down on the bed to bury my face in a pillow. Hopefully I would suffocate and wouldn’t have to live with this humiliation.
“Zain, it’s okay,” Micah started to say.
“I’m the worst,” I said with a muffled voice. “I’m mad at you for getting your own place, which is a totally normal thing for any guy to do. I don’t know why I’m so fucking pissy about it.”
“Because you’re worried me moving out means I’m getting ready to leave the band, and that will make me just one more in a long line of people who abandoned you,” he said reasonably.
My face went hot. “Fuck, call me out a little harder, why don’t you?” I grunted.
“And Grace just did the exact same thing, didn’t she?” Micah continued knowingly.
I can’t be with you…
I clenched my jaw as her words echoed in my ears.
I won’t stand around and wait…
It was true. Grace had left. She’d run out of here like the place was on fire. She hadn’t even looked back.
I guess there’s nothing more to talk about…
I rolled over, keeping the pillow planted over my face.
I didn’t want to get involved with you in the first place…
“You expect everyone to leave you eventually, and Grace just proved you right,” Micah continued. “She acted just like you expected her to, and that’s why you’re taking it so badly.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I bit out. My teeth hurt from grinding them so hard.
“Zain, it’s okay if you’re hurt over this,” he said. “Over both me and her. Your feelings are valid.”
“Doeseveryonehave to try and play therapist with me?” I snapped. “Is there a rule I don’t know about? You have to pull out a quote from some psych manual at least once per conversation?”
Micah went silent. The heat from my cheeks bled out.
Ah, fuck.
I lifted the pillow from my face and sat back up. I perched on the edge of the bed and planted my feet on the floor.
“I’m sorry,” I said honestly. “I know I’m being a shit. I’m not angry with you.”
I was angry with myself, for so many reasons.
I was angry that I’d bothered to ask Grace to stay for that after-party.
I was angry that I hadn’t taken it seriously the first time she told me her worries about Finn.
I was angry I’d gone through the effort of tracking her down at that stupid baking class.
I was angry that I’d let myself fall for someone who was so obviously never going to stick around in the first place.
“Will you come join the rest of us?” Micah asked. “Someone from the label is coming over soon to talk to the band.”
