Page 75 of Hard Rock Temptation
I was doing the same thing here. Trying to protect the band from the consequences. But was that such a bad thing? It was my job to protect them.
“Let me a question,” August continued before I could answer. “If you bring these new songs to the label and they reject them, what’s the worst that can happen?”
“They drop us,” I said bluntly.
“And then?” August asked plainly.
I blinked. “And then… we don’t have a label anymore.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” he agreed. “What happens then?”
I opened my mouth, then closed it, not sure of how to answer. I’d been so worried about the label dropping us, I hadn’t considered what would actually happen after that.
“You’re scared of what might happen, precisely because you don’t know whatwillhappen if the worst comes true,” August answered for me.
Scared. There was that word again. Was I scared? Was that what I was feeling? Was that what was driving me? Again?
“Why did you start making music?” August asked, seemingly out of nowhere. “I know you first started up your rock band because of the youth center you all attended. Why did you decide to sign up for an after school music program?”
“Because I loved music,” I said immediately. “When we first started that rock band, I’d never felt anything like it before. It was exciting. It gave me so much satisfaction. I’d found something that made me happy. Something I could immersemyself in. Something that distracted me from all the problems in my life.”
“Problems like?” August prompted.
I knew August had already heard some of this from having worked with us, so I didn’t feel as self-conscious revealing my past.
“We were poor,” I said. “We never had much money for food. I know my parents sometimes worried about making rent, about being evicted. Then my dad got sick and the bills piled up. All the band members had part-time jobs, but it was just barely enough to survive. I was only able to pay off my family’s debts because we hit it big,” I added. “We’d all been struggling artists for so long, but we weresogood. Signing with the label felt like both a miracle and an inevitability. When I got my first royalty check I’d never felt such relief. I knew I’d never want to be in that same position as I’d been in as a kid. I’d never want to put my mother through that again. And it was music that had done that for me. I’d found something that made me so happy, so complete. It was the music that had saved my life, in more ways than one.”
August nodded and smiled as I talked and talked, spilling out my innermost thoughts, the kind of things I’d only ever confessed to Kay. All worries about being seen as weak or unprofessional had been cast aside. August Summers was a surprisingly good listener.
When I finally wound down, I felt winded, drained. August let the silence hang for a few moments.
“So there’s your answer,” August said, spreading his hands wide.
“I already forget the question,” I said ruefully. “Sorry.”
“I asked, why did you start making music?” August replied. “You had two answers. It saved you emotionally and it saved you financially. The music made you happy, and the money it brought made you feel secure. And now that security is threatened, so you can’t find the happiness in it anymore.”
I swallowed heavily. How had he managed to pinpoint something so accurate about me, something that I hadn’t even realized myself?
“But you only recently started making money,” August added. “You said it yourself. You were poor struggling artists for so long. But you kept going anyway. Because the music made you happy. So it sounds like you have your answer,” August added easily.
“Do I?” I asked dumbly, my mind whirling with every word August spoke.
“I want you to think about something,” August said as he stood from the chair. “Your worst fear is that the label will drop you, right?”
I nodded slowly.
“If that happens, will you stop making music?” August asked.
I drew in a sharp breath, pain shooting through my chest at the thought.
“No,” I said. “I’ll always want to make music. I’ll always want to share my music with the world.”
“Then I think,” he said with a grin, “now you know what you need to do.”
THIRTY-THREE
KAYLEE
