Page 79 of Shining Knight
Chapter Eighteen
Since Eugenia hadreturned home, she had done nothing but ride almost every day. She had even lost interest in eating, which was highly abnormal.
In the name of attempting to be more ladylike, she decided to try her hand at flower arrangement. She went to the hothouse to gather a few blooms and greenery, then went into the ladies’ parlor with a basketful to arrange them.
Carefully, she placed the greenery in first, then put the flowers in one by one, spreading each kind out so not as to have all of them on one side or the other just as she had been taught. She picked some jasmine and pansies because those were abundant, and she picked three Christmas roses because they were her favorite. However, those made her think of Graham and the day at the garden party when her bonnet had been ruined and he bought her another… Then that made her think of the day at the Tower when the monkeys had thought her bonnet to be made of real fruit and attacked it.
She stood back to view the arrangement and it looked dreadful. Rather than giving the effect she had desired, of a harmonious arrangement of colors and shapes, her efforts more resembled a jar stuffed with daisies by a child. “Only you could take nature’s beauty and spoil it, Genie,” she said to herself.
Was there anything ladylike that she could do? She could wear a dress, but that was about the sum of it. Even that could not be called graceful. She growled in frustration and hurled the vase across the room. It made a satisfying crash as it shattered into tiny pieces. Covering her face with her hands, she fell to her knees. Of course, the gut-wrenching sobs which burst forth were not ladylike either.
“Eugenia!” Rowley exclaimed as he rushed into the room. “What happened? Are you hurt?” He dropped down beside her.
She shook her head but did not look up. She wanted to be ashamed in private, but there was no such thing amongst her family.
“I can see now that this was no accident. Would you care to tell me what has upset you so?”
“No.” She pouted.
“Shall I fetch Emma for you? Is this something that would be easier to tell another lady?”
“A lady? Ha! I am no such thing.”
“I see,” he answered in a flat voice. “Hence this display of theatrics?”
“You may leave if you only wish to preach to me,” she snapped. “You have no idea how unnatural this is for me. I have no feminine accomplishments; not one. I am an utter failure at being a lady.”
“That is my fault. I do know it.”
“At least you admit I am a failure,” she muttered.
“Not at all. You mistake my meaning. I meant your lack of confidence in female virtues.”
“I know you tried, Rowley, but I wanted to be with you and the others.”
“By the time Emma arrived, you were already grown.”
“I have tried, brother. Even when I vow to be very careful and demure, something happens which is beyond my control.”
“Tinsley seems to be earnest, Genie. Why are you so troubled with these matters when you have made a match? People are much more forgiving of eccentricities once you are wed.”
“Oh, Rowley, it is still a sham. Can you not see that? He had no other choice but to make that announcement.”
Rowley got to his feet and went over to the window. “I suppose I should have known, but I thought better of Tinsley.”
“Do not blame him! He does not insist upon my breaking the betrothal.”
“He is honor-bound not to. But I fear you do not fully comprehend, Eugenia,” he said, turning back to face her. “No one will have you after all these scandals.”
“Even though Ravenhill was not my fault?”
“Especially after what happened with Ravenhill, my dear.”
“Perhaps it is my destiny to be unwed. I would only shame my husband. Graham, for instance, has a promising political career. How could I host a formal party without bungling it when I cannot even arrange a simple vase of flowers?”
Rowley took her hands and looked her in the eye. “He will hire a brilliant secretary who will undertake those matters for you. By this time, people will have come to expect uniqueness from you. Perhaps you should simply be yourself. As I said, as a married lady, you will have far more freedom than you do now.”
“Perhaps,” she said absently because she did not wish to argue with her brother, but he was only trying to make her feel better and convince her to marry Graham. Yet how could she make her best friend miserable by shackling him with her as a wife?
