Page 12 of The Ones Left Behind
“I would rather be here than a governess or a companion to some demanding mistress!”
“I will give you what you want, Kitty. A cottage? An allowance? You need not lower yourself.”
“Indeed, this would be raising myself considerably. I do not want your pity, my lord. There is no shame in work.”
“People will talk.”
“They will gossip, I have no doubt, but that does not matter. I am a widow, not a young miss any longer.”
Matthias had not been expecting this, and he did not care for it one bit. He was too tired to think of all the objections as he should. Nevertheless, he opened his mouth to argue, but Kitty stayed him with her hand. “Please think on it before you refuse. If nothing else, Mrs. Harlow should be allowed to retire. You could take me on for a probationary period and if I fail, I will leave without another word.”
Nothing at all could have caused him to predict the situation. Kitty had not been brought up to be a housekeeper, but a lady wife. His wife.
He shook his head. “You are young, Kitty. You should find another husband.” He hated saying those words. How they tasted like ash on his tongue!
“You think that is all I am fit for?”
“’Twas not what I meant, and you know it.” At least they were now arguing like brother and sister.
“I know nothing except that you offered to help me. This is a perfect solution. You need a housekeeper and I need a position. I will engage to stay out of your way if that is your wish.”
“My wish is for my leg to be healed so I can get out of this deuced bed!” He threw one of his pillows across the room in a fit of pique and then fell back on the bed with exhaustion.
“Perhaps this was a mistake,” she said quietly. “I do not know what I was expecting when I came here, but I did not know where else to go.”
“You do not need to leave. You know I will always take care of you even if I have not done a good job of it thus far.”
“I was not your responsibility, and I am not now. I may be borrowing on our past relationship in asking for a position, but I do not ask for any special favours hereafter. I do not know what I expected when Peter and I married and followed the drum, but I am not the same girl who left here.”
Matthias turned to meet her gaze. She was certainly no girl any longer. She already looked better than when last he had seen her; her face was no longer gaunt and she wore a better gown, even if it was dove grey. That colour did not really suit anyone, did it? Was it the colour or was it the indication of mourning or of servitude? He wanted to see her in bright hues again with the happiness and laughter that had resonated through the house during the old times before. She was still beautiful, but she was not his.
He moved to change position and nearly doubled over in pain. A cold sweat broke out over his skin.
Kitty was instantly by his side. “What is it? How can I help?”
“’Tis nothing,” he snapped.
“It is not nothing. I helped with the wounded after battles; I even helped with you.”
Turning, he glared at her to cover his surprise.
She continued, “The doctor mentioned the bone might even be broken. If you need help, there is no shame in asking.”
How could he explain to her? He did not trouble himself to try.
“You can help by filling my glass.” He inclined his head towards the bedside table where a bottle of brandy sat.
“The doctor left laudanum drops.” She held them up and he knocked them from her hand.
“No!” The dreams—the nightmares those caused. He could not look her in the eye, but she very likely had her own.
He saw her nod and then pick up the offending bottle from where he had thrown it on the floor.
Kitty poured him some brandy but with a look of disapproval. She poured only a small amount into the glass—barely half—and handed it to him.
“Thank you,” he said, hearing the surliness in his voice. He just wanted to be left to bear his pain in private.
“Shall I send Hornsby up since you will not let me help?”
