Page 26 of The Ones Left Behind
That had been a mistake—a thousand times a mistake. Nevertheless, it did not take away her gratefulness to Peter, or the memories. She did not know how to respond.
“Kitty, do be reasonable about this. You might at least consider it.”
Kitty had sworn that never again would she marry for the wrong reasons. Yet she had lost everything and would be a fool to turn down such an offer. To be married to Matthias for the wrong reasons would be pure agony every day. Being his housekeeper was preferable…at least until he took a wife... if they could have their friendship back. She shook her head again.
“I would rather be your housekeeper, if you can abide the gossip. I would rather have your friendship than have you come to hate me for binding you so.”
Kitty waited for his response. He looked down at his tray and shuffled some food around on the plates. A brooding Matthias was distinctly uncomfortable. He had never been one to succumb to rage and took his time over thinking about what he would say next.
“If that is your wish, then so be it.” He took his flask and appeared to empty the contents from it. Then he looked at her more coldly. “Now leave.”
“Please do not be this way. You will drink yourself to death!”
“Who cares if I do? Lady Thackeray has the right to scold me, but a housekeeper does not.”
Now he was going to be cruel. “Perhaps I should just go,” she said flatly.
“If that is what you want. Whatever you do, I will see you are taken care of.”
“Because of your honour?” she spat in anger. Despite the emboldening force of her ire, seconds afterwards she felt deflated. “I do not want to leave with matters between us like this.” She slumped down on to the edge of the nearest chair and put her head in her hands. All she really wanted to do was cry herself to sleep and wake up with the whole situation having been a nightmare.
Matthias said nothing until she looked up again. “It seems we are at an impasse.”
Already she could detect the effects of the spirits. She looked at the ceiling, trying to decide what to do. “May we make a bargain?”
“What do you propose?” A hint of amusement laced his question.
“I will stay and help you to heal while performing the duties of housekeeper…”
He snorted. “How the devil do you mean to help me heal?”
She cleared her throat. “Herbs. I have just been to the apothecary.”
“My mother was very good with herbs. I remember her teaching you.”
Kitty did not expound on the fact that she remembered little of what his mother had taught her. “So will you let me try?”
“That does not sound like much of a bargain. You would be doing all the work.”
“There is a catch. You must cease drinking.”
CHAPTER8
Matthias should not have been surprised by her demands. “Do you guarantee you can control my pain?” he demanded, not wanting to make a bargain with the unknown. Better the devil he knew.
He saw from the look on Kitty’s face that she could not. “I will certainly do my utmost,” she answered.
Matthias slouched negligently in his chair and considered her, his eyes hooded. “Then I will try your herbs, but will promise nothing. Will you send Hornsby to me?” He turned his head, hoping she would leave. She had just refused to marry him and he wanted to lick his wounds. It had not been romantic—was that what she wanted? She had not appeared to consider it or even take it seriously. Marriage to him would make her secure for life, and it would fill his need for a countess. And he…he would know she was safe and provided for.
There was a great deal of unfinished business between them; many words left unspoken. It seemed as though it would be necessary to reopen old wounds. He frowned and shifted his weight, sending what felt like a bolt of lightning through his leg. He sat still, as far as he was able, trying to breathe slow breaths until the gripping pain released a little.
How did Kitty think he could give up the only thing that helped? Besides dulling the pain, it also dulled his mind. When everything else failed, he could not silence his mind—even in sleep.
Having her here again was a double-edged sword. The sweet lavender scent of her took him back to the best days of his life. At times, the three of them were down by the lake, whiling away a long summer’s day. But then, just as quickly as a storm rolling in, they were in the midst of war and Kitty was Peter’s wife—offering up the constant reminder that she was lost to Matthias forever. And then…then Peter was lost and Kitty a widow…
Loving your best friend’s wife was the devil of a situation. The guilt was unbearable.
Back in England, wounded in heart and body, Matthias could have thrown in his hand, until he arrived home to find Kitty installed in his house. Suddenly, he had a chance of her again even though everything was different—and now she had unequivocally rejected him. How could she expect him to give up his only comfort? Something had to be done.
