Page 57 of The Ones Left Behind
“These, my friends, are the finest plums in England.” He carefully selected one for each of them, checking the colour and softness before twisting it off the stem.
The couples wandered off to enjoy the fruit and the beautiful view, which Kitty had to admit was unparalleled in comparison with many places she had been. The orchard was full of memories of afternoons when, as children, they had romped through the trees and eaten the fruit until their stomachs felt ill. It was just another reminder of what she had once had and lost. Why, if he had not wanted to marry her then, did he wish to now? Why, after having seen beautiful ladies and connexions of theton, would he be concerning himself with her, if not out of his misguided sense of duty? She still could not reconcile it, yet his behaviour the past two days said otherwise. Duty was offering marriage or providing her a home, not the friendship and affection that went along with it.
She bit into the ripe plum, savouring its sweet perfection. Some of the juice began to run down her chin and she wiped at it with her hand until Matthias caught it and kissed the juice with his lips. It was difficult not to react. This did not feel like an act of duty.
“Delicious, as I remember,” he said, before pulling away and taking another bite from his own plum.
Kitty had thought this old, flirtatious Matthias no longer existed.
“Will you tell me what you are thinking, instead of remaining silent? I can see the thoughts running through your mind but I cannot interpret them.”
Kitty felt herself smile. “’Twould be dangerous if you could.”
“Perhaps, but one could argue it would be better to know.”
“For whom?”
“For both of us. All of these unspoken questions between us would have answers.”
“Perhaps. Or we might only have more,” she argued.
“You are determined to lead me on a merry dance,” he said in exasperation, yet there was a twinkle in his eye. He hobbled over to lean against a tree, his casual pose belying the tension she could sense in him.
“Matthias, I am not playing games with you,” she said softly but seriously. “I cannot help but wonder why you persist with me?”
He blew out a breath before answering. “This is one of those moments I think I would rather you knew what I was thinking than have to say it.” He laughed in a self-deprecating tone.
“You seem to have recreated much of that summer day all those years ago,” she remarked. “But why?”
“Can you not bring yourself to imagine why? I have not been able to convince you with words, so I sought to recreate the best time of my life... when I thought we were in love.”
Kitty’s breath caught in her throat and she could tell Matthias regretted saying the words, yet he continued.
“You accused me of acting only out of honour, yet you know I am not one for silky words and flatteries.”
“We were very young, Matthias.”
“Was I mistaken in thinking you loved me as I loved you?” The vulnerability in his face compelled her to answer.
“No.” She shook her head and could not meet his gaze. “But we were different people then. We have been forged by marriage, death and war.”
“Your love has died? Will you give me no hope?”
Kitty could not believe what he was asking. Did he understand nothing? “It is because of my love that I have refused you.”
“Are you saying your love for Peter prevents you from loving me?”
Kitty hesitated too long while trying to form her thoughts.
“I cannot compete with that.” He shook his head and began to hobble away.
“Matthias!” She hurried to catch up with him.
He did not stop and did not look at her.
“I was wrong to think I could recreate what we had. I stupidly thought we could go back.”
“Is that really what you wish for?”
