Page 46 of Only By Grace
Grace offered a small smile, though her expression betrayed her weariness. “You have found me,” she said simply.
Patience came to stand beside her, leaning against the wall and following Grace’s gaze out to the sea. “You have changed, Grace,” she said after a moment, her tone contemplative, and her gaze all-seeing. “Since you left.”
Grace turned back to the sea, her hands clasping the edge of her cloak. “I feel changed,” she admitted. “I feel…unsettled. It is as though I no longer know who I am.”
“Perhaps that is because you’re becoming who you are meant to be,” Patience suggested, her voice thoughtful. “Change is rarely comfortable, but that does not mean it isn’t right.”
Grace hesitated, her heart thudding as she considered whether to speak the truth that had been weighing on her. “Patience,” she began tentatively, “supposing I feel something—for someone—that I cannot imagine being returned?”
Patience turned to her, her expression suddenly intent. “You speak of Carew.”
Grace’s cheeks flushed, but she nodded. “There is much more to him than he lets people see. He is kind, and brave, and more than I could ever have imagined. Yet I cannot think he could feel the same for me…and the thought of him offering out of obligation…” Her voice faltered.
Patience placed a hand on Grace’s arm, her touch steady and reassuring. “You are more than you believe yourself to be, Grace, and I think he sees that. Whether his feelings are what you hope, I cannot say, but I do not think him the kind of man to offer out of obligation.”
Grace looked down, the waves crashing far below echoing the turmoil within her. “I do not know what I should do,”she confessed. “I feel as though I am standing on the edge of something, but I cannot see where it leads.”
Patience smiled gently. “Sometimes the best thing you can do is take the next step, whatever that may be, however uncomfortable, and trust yourself to find the way.”
Grace nodded slowly, her sister’s words settling over her like the first rays of sunlight breaking through the mist. Perhaps she did not need to have all the answers now. Perhaps it was enough to simply take that first step.
“But in order to do that, I need to be here, not returning to England,” she felt compelled to point out.
Patience laughed. “’Twould be more difficult in this situation, I grant you. Perhaps we can stay a few more days, if invited. I will speak to Ashley, and he can send word to Westwood that you are found and well. Are you coming back inside?”
“Not just yet.”
Patience kissed her on the cheek and then left her.
Grace decided to explore a bit more—there was a whole other side to the estate where the renowned Donnellan horses were no doubt pastured. She’d rather Carew show them to her but she was not ready to go inside. As luck would have it, she ran into Paddy. She had quite forgotten he went from cabin boy to stable boy when on land.
He stopped and made her an awkward bow.
“How is Theo, miss? I would ’ave come to visit, but we aren’t really allowed in the ’ouse except on special occasions.”
“Well, then I shall bring Theo to you. I am certain he would enjoy the stables and his sister Evelina is here now as well. Two of my sisters have come to visit me here and have brought one of the other kittens.”
“I got sisters, too,” he said sympathetically, which made her laugh.
“I will inform the maid who has been caring for the kittens that you have special permission to help with them.”
“Cor, would you, miss? I’ll even share one with Barry.”
“See that you do. That would be an excellent thing.”
He hurried back to his duties and she watched him go with a smile.
After leavinghis father’s room, Ronan paused at one of the landings and looked out of the window when a movement caught his eye. There Grace stood, overlooking the cliffs, a beam of sunlight breaking through the clouds as if its entire purpose was to shine right on her. Ronan did not need the heavens to point out her angelic qualities. He knew them very well by now, which is why he still hesitated to offer someone like himself to her. He wasn’t quite the devil, but neither was he the honourable man she deserved.
He moved closer to the window, as if drawn to her light, and saw that she was, in fact, conversing with her sister, Patience. Indeed, they were deep in conversation, Patience was as animated as ever, her hands gesturing expressively, while Grace listened with her customary quiet, thoughtful air. The faintest smile played on Grace’s lips, and Ronan found himself lingering over that sight, remembering the feel of her kiss on his lips.
Her family had come to save her from him and scandal, and it was likely they had succeeded. Why then was he now so resentful about it when he should feel relief? Instead, he wanted to be with her without the strain he’d felt about Flynn and Maeve.
’Twas likely they were already preparing to depart, which also led him close to despair. He needed more time to be able to sort through his feelings and hers. With Flynn no longer being athreat, he felt more free to do so, but he also wanted to have time to determine Grace’s own feelings. Was it better to let her go and then return to London after she’d had time away from him to reflect?
Certainly, without fear of ruin or scandal, that would be the honourable thing to do, but now that he’d seen the real Grace Whitford, he was selfishly reluctant to let her go.
Somehow, subconsciously, he had begun moving to where she was, drawn to her. By the time he reached the terrace wall, he barely caught sight of her heading towards the stables. Then he saw Paddy and understood why she’d gone there. Paddy was already turning away by the time Ronan reached her.
