Page 39 of Cream & Sugar
Freddie grimaces. “I’ll survive. So will I be a master baker after this?”
My mouth goes dry. “I-If that’s what you want, we can certainly try.”
“Allons-y!” Freddie gives me a thumbs up. “That’s French for ‘let’s go’.”
“I’m aware.”
I can’t help but smile. The idea of more alone time with Freddie makes my heart dance a quickstep. Normally my head would be screaming at me to shut up and calm down right now but, for better or worse, that voice of reason is easier to ignore when he’s standing so close to me.
The door jingles and a young couple with a baby in a sling step inside.
“Duty calls,” I say, slightly crestfallen.
Freddie swallows the last of his flapjack and switches back into customer service mode. “Indeed. Do let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you, sir!”
He turns to greet the family and I take another sip of my flat white, heat creeping up my back as I think of the many, many things Freddie could do for me.
Naughty as it feels, letting the thoughts come is a whole lot easier than fighting them. Less painful, at least. Maybe that’s how I should deal with this—let this crush run its course inside the safety of my brain? Then, once it fizzles out, normal service can resume. Goodness knows I can’t keep going on like this, and punishing myself for something outwith my control. That’s no way to live.
My stomach leaps as I give myself permission to feel instead of fight. Feelings are harmless, right? Especially if I don’t ever act on them. Besides, it’s not like anyone needs to know.
Anna tolerates my presence for another quarter of an hour before practically throwing me out the door. Poor Freddie looks mortified as she chivvies me out like a stray dog, but I can’t really blame her; she’s watched my gradual decomposition from a man to a pile of barely-functional sludge over the past few weeks so it’s no wonder she doesn’t want me within a mile of the café. With Anna, it’s all tough love. She can seem intense to those who don’t know her, but she means well. I must remember to explain that to Freddie before he gets even more spooked.
He’s all I can think about on the drive home. And when I arrive. And when I go to the bathroom to grab a handful of tissue and some aloe vera gel.
Shit. Am I really going to do this? I don't believe in fate, but I wish the universe would just give me a sign.
My phone goes off and my heart jolts when I see a message from Freddie:
Hey! Just want to say I'm buzzing you liked my coffee. Hope you have a chill afternoon. Maybe do something to relax? See you tomorrow!
I can’t get to my bed fast enough. Jester leaps out of the way just in time and scampers off down the hall. Probably for the best, he doesn’t need to see what’s about to happen.
Time to feel a thing or two, I guess.
As Freddie would say, allons-y!
15
Freddie
“Ohfuuuuck…!”
“Freddie?”
Oh fuck.
I thought the house was empty or else I wouldn’t be having such a vigorous wank at five in the afternoon.
Shit! This was meant to be my weekly giga-wank. My one wank to rule them all. My seminal work, pun intended. I’m so close. If I can just—
“Are you in your room?” Rory’s heavy footsteps draw near.
“Just a second,” I whimper, my orgasm knocking at the gates of Minas Tirith. I try to hold it back—
Two loud bangs on the door.
Too late.
