Page 35 of Velvet Thorns
“Maybe it is. But that day I came to you, that first kiss—it was my line in the sand. Everything before you blurred, and nothing after you mattered. And yeah, I know I fucked it all up. I let them get in my head, and I let you down, over and over. I became the guy I swore I wouldn’t just to survive a version of high school thatdidn’t include us, and I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough, but I am fucking sorry.”
His voice breaks, shaking with something primal, as he cages me beneath him. His arms bracket my head, turning the world into nothing but him—his heat, his scent, and the frenzied look in his eyes that says he's holding himself back by the thinnest thread.
“As soon as I could, I packed up and moved to New York, just to breathe the same air as you. My need for you turned into obsession, and now I’m here with my heart in my hands, desperate for you to take me as I am.”
“You’re kidding, right?” I laugh, but it’s short-lived as emotion bubbles inside me. “You did this, Phoenix. You had me. I was yours, and you just…” The words die before I can finish them.
“And now?”
My breath stutters, tears burning at the corners of my eyes. I want to swallow them down, choke on them, anything but let them fall. I don’t cry for anyone—least of all Phoenix Cassidy.
“Baby, I got lost. So fucking lost. I was caught between the boy who loved you and the boy I thought I had to be. And I know I hurt you.” He presses his forehead against mine, his breath coming in ragged bursts, then drags his nose along my jaw, so soft it almost hurts. “I’ve spent so much time trying to rewrite every wrong and fix every mistake, and it’s never enough. It’ll never be enough.”
I don’t want to ask. I shouldn’t ask. Every instinct in me is telling me to keep my mouth shut, but I can't. There’s something heavy sitting in Phoenix’s chest, like a loaded gun just waiting to go off. I can feel it.
“What did you do? Besides the cameras. Besides what you did to Brian.”
“Ava.” Her name falls from his lips immediately, as though he’s been waiting for me to ask.
“What about her?”
“She took you from me that day,” he says, calm on the surface but seething underneath. “It was her fault you ran. She broke you, and she knew she was doing it. So I broke her back… literally.”
“Phoenix—”
“She wanted to be a gymnast. She trained for it every day, and she was good—Olympic-level good. But after what she did to you, there was no way I was letting her win at life. So I learned that gym inside and out. Every door, every exit, every single weak spot. Then one night, I waited until everyone cleared out and loosened a few bolts on the balance beam—just enough to fuck up her footing.” He says it like he’s talking to me about something as boring as the weather and not casually admitting to paralyzing someone. “I figured she’d slip, maybe break an ankle, or tear some ligaments, but karma’s a mean cunt. One wrong twist and she missed her landing. She crushed a few vertebrae, and the doctors said her career was over before it even started. Dreams dead. Body broken. Now she’s stuck in a padded chair for the rest of her life, with nothing to do but remember how she brought it all on herself.”
“That’s a bit fucking extreme, don’t you think?” My voice is dry as ash because what the hell do you even say to that?
“I didn’t mean for it to go that far, but I’m not sorry. She ruined you, so I ruined her. Seems fair to me.”
“I know she was fucking awful, but did she really deserve?—”
“Don’t do that. Don’t you dare defend her. Remember how you felt every day? Tell me what it felt like to walk into that school.”
“Like I wanted to die.” The words explode out of me. “But I was too stubborn to let you assholes win.” I see the way his eyes glisten with something that I want to believe is remorse, but I don’t stop. “You were the worst of them, Phoenix. You made me so fucking lonely I forgot what it felt like to be human.”
His throat bobs as he swallows, and for a moment, I swear I seehim break. Not on the outside. On the inside, behind his gunmetal eyes.
“If you think I don’t feel unhinged as hell for still carrying this shit around, you’re wrong. I hate it. I hate that my whole childhood was fucked beyond repair, and I hate that this still lives in me.”
“I know, baby, and if it meant you could breathe easy, if it meant you’d heal, even just a little… I’d let you snuff my life out right now without a second thought. I’d kneel at your feet and beg you to do it. I'd beg for you to take everything I have left because everything I am belongs to you anyway.” I stare at him, not sure if I’m about to scream or cry or throw myself into his arms just to feel something that isn’t this ache. “I’ve done a lot of bad things, but I’d do every single one of them again if it meant protecting you.”
“There’s more?”
He shakes his head, jaw clenched tight. "You're not ready for the rest of it."
“Don’t decide that for me. I’m not fucking fragile, and I already hate you enough, so whatever you’ve done, it’s not going to make that worse.”
“Stop saying that to me,” he growls. His body is trembling above me, hands clenched at his sides like he’s barely holding himself together.
“It’s the truth.”
“No, it’s not. You want it to be because it’s easier for you, but we both know it’s a lie.”
“Just tell me what you’ve done.”
“I’ve protected you, but it meant getting my hands dirty and doing things you’d never ask for, but I’d do them a thousand times over if it meant keeping you safe. Especially from the people who hurt you the most.” I stare up at him, my heart already pounding,like it knows what he’s about to say before the words even leave his mouth.
