Page 51 of A Brilliant Match
Dorothea felt ill. Crushed by his chastisement. But then he sighed, turning to walk again, and laid his hand over hers. The gesture brought comfort…forgiveness—not for anything she had done to him, but grace for the flaws he had managed to expose in her.
“Your family requiresonlythat you love them without condition. They will sort their own lives out for themselves—and much better than you ever could, talented though you are.”
Dorothea blinked her eyes rapidly, and when he turned to point out a high-perch phaeton driven entirely too fast by a wisp of a man, that was in imminent danger of toppling over—an effort, she was sure, of setting her at ease again—she could scarcely answer him. To her relief, Sophia and Camilla had realized they had gone ahead too far and turned back to find her.
“Have you seen the high-perch phaeton?” Camilla observed. “I don’t believe the horses are aware that anyone is holding the reins!”
Chapter19
Miles turned his thoughts frequently back to their conversation in the park. Dorothea had been subdued after he had taken her to task. Her inherent prejudice was great, even toward the members of her own family. It should have deterred him from loving her and pushed him to keep a distance after hearing it, but it had the opposite effect. She had unwittingly revealed much of herself in that confession—fears over her own worth and her family’s acceptability. This was one area in which he found himself on stronger ground. He never doubted his own worth or his family’s, and he longed to help her gain such confidence.
She had allowed him to correct her. What was more, she had looked to him for understanding and had accepted his rebuke without demur. A woman with no depth could not do such a thing. At the sight of her turning to him for understanding, he had fallen even more deeply in love.
But just as his affection for her grew, the awareness of his circumstances had become a relentless albatross. It had become a responsibility he could no longer ignore. It was time to move forward on plans for his life and find a proper solution to his difficulties.
He could not marry another woman when his heart was given over to Dorothea. Yet, Albert had been hinting at the difficulties of hosting his mother-in-law while trying to win a seat in the elections. His words had been nothing more than a man fretting about a situation he could not like, but Miles understood. Lady Isabelle was nothismother, and it was up to Miles to find a way to care for her.
After weighing all the options he could think of, he reached the unpleasant decision that his only recourse was to sell his ancestral home. It was the last thing he wanted to do, because it seemed to him that a gentleman without land was not really a gentleman at all, but in the absence of all other solutions, it could not be avoided. The estate would not fetch a very large price because of the condition of the house itself. However, the lands were worth something and even the bones of the house itself were solid. A merchant who longed to play at landowner would likely be his purchaser, but why not? In a generation or two, that man’s sons would be considered gentlemen. It was the way of life.
As soon as he had come to that decision, no matter how difficult, Miles felt lighter. It was better to take action than to remain in uncertainty, wringing one’s hands. He wasted no time in sending a letter to his man of business in Lancashire, who recommended by return post that he meet with his London colleague to avoid any delay.
The attorney estimated that the sum remaining after the sale of the estate would be enough for a truly snug house, about a fifth the size of his current one, but one that required no major repairs. They would surely find an agreeable house in Lancashire, where his mother would be surrounded by friends and all that was familiar. She had told him she no longer felt she belonged to London society.
And perhaps he would look into using the rest of the capital for some business venture. He laughed to himself.The wealthy merchant becomes a gentleman and he, the grandson of an earl, becomes a merchant.But really, did such a thing matter when compared to being solvent? It did not. And even if it pained him to bid farewell to a piece of land that had been in the hands of his father’s family for several generations, it was not the most important thing in life.
Rock had asked to meet him at White’s, and Miles was sitting at one of the tables near the wall, waiting for him. He stood when his cousin walked in, and they shook hands.
“Did you make it through the reading of the will?” Miles asked him.
“Tolerably well.” Rock sat and signaled to one of the servants to bring him a glass. “It was about as pleasant as a night at Almack’s ensnared by a gaggle of ambitious mamas, but it had to be done. Now, I have the unenviable task of going through a set of papers from the last two hundred years, at least, and learning more about the holdings that belong to me. Our grandfather never was very generous with information about his property when he was alive.”
Rock sat back and let the servant fill his glass. “I want to oversee that the bequeathments are handed over properly. There are not many. Lord Pembroke was a tight-fisted man, much as I loved him.”
“It must be got through, I suppose.” Miles picked up his drink, took a sip, then set it down and folded his arms. “I’ve decided to sell my estate.”
Rock’s only reaction to the news was a lift of the eyebrows. “So it will not be an advantageous marriage for you, then, as a means to save your estate?”
Miles shook his head. “My heart’s not in it. I must suppose I am like you. Not ready for marriage.” He gave a laugh but it sounded bitter.
He hoped he had successfully turned the conversation from what was a sore topic, but in this, he was wrong. Rock leaned in and murmured out of hearing of the other tables, “Lady Dorothea?”
Miles also glanced around in an abundance of caution, but no one was near enough to hear what he said.
“I cannot offer for her, even though there is nothing I would like better. It would be removing her from the life I know she wants to lead and, to be honest, the life she deserves as the daughter of an earl.”
“Are you sure it is truly what she wants? Maybe you are keeping her from having the life she desires bynotproposing to her,” Rock argued earnestly.
“It is what I had hoped, as well. I refused to let myself think about how similar her situation was to my mother’s, but my mother kindly”—he grimaced—“reminded me of it. Her heart was completely lost to my father, but even with their affection, it is not an easy life she has led. She assures me she has no regrets, but I am convinced I ought not to attempt such a thing with Dorothea.”
“I’m sorry,” Rock said.
“Thank you.” Miles took a large swallow. “I have another fortnight in London while my banker attempts to find a purchaser. Afterwards, I must be off to find suitable lodgings for my mother and myself. In the meantime, I suppose we shall have to find a way to amuse ourselves.”
“Now that is something I can help you with,” Rock said, lifting his glass.
* * *
Lord Hastings had senta note with the news that he had returned to London and was eager to meet with Dorothea. She could not say she felt the same anticipation that he claimed to have. In fact, she had scarcely thought about him at all since he’d left, which gave her her answer—if one was needed at all.
