Page 31 of A Gentleman's Reckoning
The groom touched his cap. “Ay, my lady.” He went off, and Geny reached up to pat Hero’s nose. He eyed her, seeming to sense her distress.
“Yes, you have guessed it,” she whispered. “And I do not know what will happen now.” The gelding nudged her, and she allowed herself to be consoled by him so she would be ready to face her maid with a degree of calm.
Chapter Eleven
John had taken a hasty leave of Lady Eugenia. Perhaps it had not been well done of him, but he was eager to reach the sanctuary of his office and be alone with his thoughts. That…thing that had just happened in the carriage was nothing short of monumental. As soon as he closed the door and sat behind his desk, he dropped his face into his hands.
Whathad he been thinking? When had he ever lost his head in such a way? It was unthinkable to kiss a woman of gentle birth that he could not marry, and he had never had even the slightest desire to do so before. It was only that her eyes had been so large and lovely, and he had already fallen for her heart, for it was something to love. It had seemed in that moment that he was incapable of resisting.
He knew it was not simply carnal attraction, which made it all the more dangerous. His feelings for her, although they had developed in a brief period, ran deep. He closed his eyes and relived the feeling of her lips underneath his, his hand around her waist, and the gentle touch of her fingers resting on his arm. He needed only to remember their closeness in that moment,and he thought his heart would pound right out of his chest. How was it that she smelled so fresh? There was nothing sweet and cloying about her. Just a simple citrusy scent that he found irresistible and which made him want to keep kissing her. The altercation with the other carriage had proved to be a fortunate thing, because it had stopped him before he completely lost all reason.
John exhaled and rubbed his eyes. It was as though he had been plunged right back into his days of debauchery, as though he had not learned his lesson. It was inadmissible to have taken such liberties with her, and he was going to have to apologize and hope she accepted it. It did not matter that he was, in truth, a gentleman by birth and in status, because he was pursuing her while attempting to bring her father to his knees. That alone was enough for a gentleman to pull back from pursuing her.
He lifted his head as the full weight of his folly was brought upon him. He did not want to imagine the look of disappointment on her face when she discovered who he was, and he hoped she never would discover it. At the same time, that would mean disappearing from her life without a trace, and this he was increasingly unable to do.
Even so, he would have to break things off with her—whateverthiswas. He had allowed an ease and intimacy to grow between them that simply could not continue. John stood and paced in his small office. It would be one of the hardest things he had ever done. Everything in him wanted to pursue her until he won her. For marriage?Maybe, he thought.Yes—I think so!But such a thing was impossible, and he had better put it out of his mind.
They did not meet again that day, and John arrived at the orphanage the following day after a sleepless night. Despite his best resolutions, his heart beat faster at the thought of seeing Lady Geny. By way of distracting himself, he decided to begin training the two orphans she had suggested and went to find theheadmaster for that purpose. There was no need to lay the additional burden on her of speaking with Mr. Dowling.
The headmaster was just arriving in his office and had removed his hat when John came to stand at the doorway.
“Lady Eugenia has informed me of the various positions the orphans are training for, and I have offered to train two of the more capable boys in learning sums. I wish to start as soon as possible with their morning instruction.” John waited patiently as Mr. Dowling appeared to ignore him in the act of putting away his effects. “Lady Eugenia suggested Gabriel and Timothy as the most suitable options.”
Mr. Dowling patted the pockets of his waistcoat as though he were in search of something. John suspected he was in search of an excuse to stall for time.
“It would have been better had you come to me directly instead of disturbing Lady Eugenia with these notions. After all, training and placement is my domain.”
John studied Mr. Dowling, careful to keep his face free of the dislike he felt toward the man. “The conversation came about naturally. I would not be so impertinent as to approach her with such an idea of my own volition.”
“Nevertheless, Lady Eugenia is daughter to an earl and therefore has little to do with you. You had best leave all concerns regarding the asylum for me to address with her.”
John leveled a gaze at him. “Do you suggest that if Lady Eugenia speaks to me that I should not answer her? If she makes a suggestion or asks for my opinion, that I should reject her overture?”
“Of course that is not what I mean,” Mr. Dowling replied impatiently. “I am only saying that you should not put yourself in her way so that she feels obliged to converse with you.”
John directed his gaze to the wall beyond Mr. Dowling. “I shall keep that in mind. And now, do you wish to bring Gabriel and Timothy to me, since Lady Eugenia recommended I begintraining them? Or shall I report back to her that you were not in favor of the idea?”
After a tense silence, Mr. Dowling capitulated, most likely realizing Lady Eugenia would not take kindly to such opposition. “I will bring them to you today.”
John expected Mr. Dowling to bring the orphans within the hour, but he did not. He had not heard the carriage bringing Lady Geny either and hoped he had not scared her away. Despite knowing they could not build a future together, the idea of her no longer wishing to see him would be a difficult disappointment to overcome.
John looked over some of the early donations one more time. He could not find any more discrepancies in the books and it frustrated him, for if the rumors were there, would there not be some truth to them? Especially now that he now knew something of Lord Goodwin.
If only I could verify that these were all the donors from the asylum’s beginning and could be sure of the exact amounts donated.All he had to go on were the names listed in the ledger and the fact that the orphanage remained in a humbler state than it ought to be with so many wealthy people pouring donations into it.
While he sat contemplating how else he might come by incriminating evidence—and wondering if there might be a member of Blackstone’s who would have this knowledge—Dowling walked in, trailed by boys.
“This is Gabriel.” Mr. Dowling indicated one well-favored boy and then gestured to the other, who had the look of an urchin who would survive on the streets if he needed to. “And this is Timothy. I have informed them that they will train under you each morning.”
“Excellent.” John pulled out his pocket watch and glanced at it. “We have only an hour or so before you will have your soup. Let us see what you can do with some basic sums.”
“Yes, sir,” Gabriel answered, a gleam in his eye. Timothy looked wary and returned no answer.
Completely ignoring Dowling, John pulled a small table away from the closet and put it closer to the window. He then brought the chair up to it before looking back at the headmaster. “I will need another chair.”
This seemed to wake Dowling out of his stupor, and he responded with thinly veiled irritation. “You will find one in the meeting room next door.” He turned on his heels and left.
Good. John’s goal had been to get rid of Dowling, and he had done so. He turned to the bigger of the two boys.
