Page 66 of A Gentleman's Reckoning
“I love her. I wish to protect her,” John said simply. “For that reason, I will not sully your reputation. I came for my own satisfaction—to see if the rumors I had heard were true, and I see that they are.”
The earl looked as though he wished to say something about John’s mention of Lady Geny, but he refrained, and instead chose a different tactic.
“You know nothing about what I am doing here.”
“I know that you have promised to build a mill and housing for workers, and that you have taken investments from peers and other gentlemen of standing to do it. I also know the work is not progressing as it should, and it causes one to wonder what precisely you are doing with the investments.”
Lord Goodwin swiveled to stare at the man standing behind him, and he gave a gesture of dismissal. “Leave us, Gover.”
The man folded his arms. “If it’s all the same to you, I think I will stay right here.”
The earl pulled himself into a haughty posture as he turned back to John.
“I am simply increasing the donations I’ve received, so that they will become more lucrative. They are set to triple what they currently are, and then we will finish the mill and the housing, return the donations to the asylum, and have money left over to encourage the investors to keep giving.”
He glanced at the man standing behind him again and then back at John. “By investing in revolutionary bonds, we also open up trade routes to get cotton and dyes that will be used in the mill, which will benefit the laborers, for there will be more work for them. You should steer clear of matters you do not understand.”
John listened, astonished at the earl’s selfishness. It was evident he thought he was doing a good thing.
“Is that what you did with the foundling asylum? Did you take the donations meant to go there and attempt to increase them by diverting them to other projects? The asylum has not even enough funds to pay for the broken wall in the stable.”
At this Lord Goodwin looked self-conscious, John thought, before he deflected. “My investments are none of your business. The other investors have been perfectly happy thus far.”
“Maybe it is because they do not know what you are risking with their money,” John said looking around critically at the unfinished construction before turning his gaze back to the earl.Nothing more could be done, and it was time for him to take his leave, but he would have the satisfaction of telling the earl precisely what he thought before he did so.
“As I said, it is not my intention to expose you. But I give leave to tell you that I don’t think your method of using investments entrusted to you by peers and friends for purposes other than that which you have indicated is the act of a gentleman. That is all, sir.”
Lord Goodwin’s eyes flashed as John turned to leave. The earl called out, “Stay away from my daughter.”
John kept going as though he had not heard it. He would obey the earl’s order, no matter how little he liked it. He would have to, because he was certain Lady Geny would never want to see him again.
He remained two days more at his brother’s house, sharing more aspects of his life. It was as though now that he had decided to be open with his brother, he wanted to leave not even the smallest detail hidden. They discussed his plans for the estate, and he asked Greg whether he thought their father would approve of certain changes he planned on making. In an effort to be more communicative, he told his brother he would go back to London to visit his club before likely settling down permanently on the estate.
When it was time to leave, Greg walked outside with him as the groom led his horse and carriage around to the front.
“Feel any better than when you first arrived?”
John considered the question. He did feel better. It had been a relieving thing to express everything he had been holding back—to no longer have secrets he feared would cause his brother to lose his good opinion of him. He had said everything, and his brother loved him the same.
He nodded.
“Good.” Greg slapped a hand on his shoulder. “Now use thisreprieve to your advantage and go on acting honorably. Or, as our Lord would say, ‘Go forth and sin no more.’”
In the past, John had always derided his brother for his pious words, but this time he felt the truth of them in his core. He did not want to lose the freedom he had been given by having been open and would strive to continue on a more virtuous path.
Chapter Twenty-Three
It was odd, Geny thought, this period of mourning she was in. She knew what grief was, having mourned the loss of her mother for a lengthy stretch of time, longer than any formal observances called for. When one has gone through such a trial, one understood that only time would bring relief. Only the passage of time would allow one to smile again, or to appreciate all of the bright things life had to offer. Things that tempted a person to wish to remain on this side of the living. Now, here she was mourning again, but this time it was grieving the death of a relationship she had hoped to see blossom and flourish, one that would endure for the rest of her life.
The only thing different in this, she noted, was that in mourning the death of a relationship, it was impossible to lay the hope to rest. It added an additional layer of suffering because one could not tamp down the longing for what might have been—the wistfulness. Such a thing was absent in the finality of a physical death, for there, hope and longing were buried along with the loved one. But this purposeful burying of hope by heeding her mind and ignoring her heart was hard toendure. She quite thought its effects would be felt for a long time.
Geny went to the orphanage every day now, explaining to a confused Gabriel and Timothy that the steward had had urgent family business to attend to that would prevent him from returning. She could not bear for John’s name to be tainted in their eyes in any way, even though she should not have cared about his good name at all. She wrote to Mr. Peyton to ask that another steward be found, stating the same reasons.
Mr. Dowling’s bruise around his eye had begun to heal, and if there was any benefit to all that had happened with John, it was that Mr. Dowling now sought to avoid her at all costs. She was unsurprised when, after a week of his skirting her presence, a letter of resignation was left for her on her desk. Mr. Dowling did not return. Of course that meant there were now two positions to fill, and this gave Geny something to occupy her mind, as she and Mrs. Hastings sought to keep a steady routine in place for the orphans.
Her father came home one day earlier than expected and, rather than waiting until chance put them together, he sent word through the servants that he wished to see her.
It was an odd feeling, for she could no longer idolize her father in the same way she once did. She still loved him, she supposed. After all, he was her father. But she was deeply disappointed and hurt on her mother’s behalf; and as far as his worldly reputation was concerned, all respect for who he was had evaporated.
