Page 49 of Roses, Pearls, and Hot Summer Nights
“I can’t … It isn’t something I want you and your brothers to discuss over group text. I’m sorry. I just can’t.”
Barrett winced and kissed my other cheek. “You have my word.”
I added, “It isn’t that I have a problem with them, or that I want to keep secrets from them in particular. It’s just not the kind of thing that should be discussedat all. Never mind. Go back to sleep.”
He rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him so my head rested against his chest. “Alatheia, you can tell me. I won’t tell them. You can tell them when and if you want or tell them things you don’t tell me, if it makes you happy. I promise, you can trust me. I’m sorry if we’ve made you feel like everything must be all of us or none of us.”
I snorted. “If my aunt came in here right now, she wouldn’t even be surprised to find you. In Chicago, my other aunt’s boyfriend tried to have sex with me one night. I fought back. When my aunt burst into the room, instead of helping me, she said I came onto him. She then beat me pretty hard and sent me here after that art gallery incident. That’s why they sent me here. They think I’m … I’m the kind of person who would try to seducea fifty-year-old man. Then lie about it. So … yeah, that’s what I was dreaming about. It happens almost every night.”
The silence after my statement was deafening. My heart beat so loud, I thought it might come out of my ears. Was he judging me? Did he think I was that kind of person, too?
Finally, he spoke. “What’s his name? The guy who came in your room.”
14
“Does it really matter?” It was bad enough that I’d told him in the first place, I certainly didn’t want to linger over the details.
He audibly took a deep breath. “Yes. Absolutely. But if you can’t tell me now, I can wait until you’re ready.” He stroked my back. “I am going to get you a lock, though. That won’t happen to you again, and I promise no one is ever going to hurt you like that again.” Conversationally, he added, “I hate your family, by the way. I did before, because your aunt and uncle are the worst kind of pretentious, but it just got a lot worse.”
I forced myself to swallow past the lump in my throat. “Thank you, Barrett. I just … I just need to get to eighteen. After that, I can disappear.”
He squeezed my fingers. “From them but not from me, okay?”
I wished I could just believe he would be around for that long, but I honestly didn’t. I learned a long time ago, nothing good ever stays. Instead of arguing, I joked , saying, “We just met. You might be done with me by the time I turn eighteen.”
“That could go either way, you could be done with me, but I have a feeling we’re more than that. It feels like we started something lasting, and I don’t say that easily. But we won’t get ahead of ourselves. Fine.” He kissed my forehead, once and then twice. “I’m sorry I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to, but I’m comfortable with you, like I feel like I can breathe when you’re close. Sorry I conked out. Do you want me to leave?”
Do I?I shook my head, being honest before I fully consciously decided. “Don’t,” I said aloud.
“Okay.” He rolled over toward me again, yawning. “I don’t think I’ve shared a bed with anyone before. I mean, maybe not ever.”
Interesting.I stared at the ceiling then finally smiled. “I used to share a bed with my mom.” My voice broke, but I hadn’t thought about that in a very long time. “I forgot about it, actually. I had my own bed, of course, but I would climb into hers. Sometimes, it was the most time I spent with her all day, because she worked so much after Dad died.”
He nodded and then kicked off his shoes. I realized we were both entirely still dressed, so I kicked off mine, too, then grinned at him.
“She sounds strong. What Jules said was accurate. Most of us would be terrified to do what she did.” He stroked my hair again. “Tell me about your mom, Alatheia. What was she like?”
I stared at him in the almost pitch blackness, but I could really only see the glitter where his eyes were. “I haven’t … I haven’t really gotten to talk about her in five years. I don’t know if I can. Like the words might get stuck.” I winced. “Sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about. Come on, cuddle with me. It’s really late, or early. Tomorrow … or rather today, we’ll do something fun to make up for yesterday.”
I nodded, but I didn’t know if I could fall asleep again. “You don’t owe me a great day. Yesterday was great. I’m really … just glad to be with all of you. For now. Or however long it lasts.”
If he answered, I never heard him because my eyes closed. The steady rise and fall of his chest eased the fear that usually followed me into sleep. If I dreamed, I didn’t remember it for the rest of the night.
I struggled to wake up,too warm and comfortable to even move. I wanted to stay that way, so my eyebrows crumpled as I wondered why I was being forced to open my eyes.
“Hey.” Barrett kissed my temple and I realized, groggily, that he had been doing it for a little while. “I’m sorry to wake you. I love holding you and want to stay right here, but I should leave before your family wakes up. I don’t want to get you in trouble with them, but also, I didn’t want to sneak away. Not after last night and what it meant. I would hate to wake up after a night like that and find you gone.”
He was right, so I didn’t argue. I lifted my head to lean on my elbow. “What time is it?”
“Eight, so I’m going to get out of here now. Sleep more if you can, then come down and see me at Granny’s.”
It sounded like a plan, so I nodded as he began to move around the room. More quietly than I could have imagined possible, he put on his shoes then gently scooted the desk back where it belonged. With a wink at me, he left my room, before shutting the door gently behind him. I yawned and thought about our bared souls the night before.Did he get any more sleep? Did he stay awake the rest of the night?
My nerves jangled, far too awake to fall back to sleep. Giving up on pretending to try, I swung my legs over the side of the bed then rose up on my tiptoes, forcing myself to stretch. Since I didn’t hear any distant screams, nor did anyone barge through my door, Barrett must’ve made it out unseen. If they checked the security cameras, they would see a lot more of me than normal, but from experience, I knew they never did. With the same staff for the past decade, they weren’t worrying about stealing, not to mention I couldn’t imagine my aunt bothering to monitor anything.
I showered quickly, and once my thoughts started to clear, I leaned against the wall, letting the water run over me as my mind drifted to Barrett.I told him my big secret.
