Page 47 of Roses, Pearls, and Hot Summer Nights
“They never came home that nightat all. I didn’t notice, since I was busy. The twins didn’t notice, either, so it wasn’t until sometime the next morning when my parents realized he was gone.”
I watched him, realizing he’d drifted—like he wasn’t really in the room with me anymore but somewhere far away, pulled back into the memory.
His voice shifted, softer now, almost like a storyteller. “Eventually, a neighbor remembered seeing the kids on the beach, talking to some man. Basically, they were taken. All three of them, gone in a second. No one could find them. They were just … gone.”
My mind whirled, trying to imagine how scary that had to be. As he had done earlier, I stroked the side of his face, and he finally met my gaze. Holding his eye contact, I asked for clarification, “Kidnapped?”
After a terse nod, he continued. “The police were called. My parents are wealthy, obviously. Within hours, private investigators joined the search. Everyone and anyone they could think of who could help came, but it was like …” He snapped his fingers and repeated once more, “Poof,they were gone. No one could find anything. Not a clue. Not a hint.”
My heart raced like I was there with them in the moment. Clearly they found Phoenix since I’d met him, but … “Barrett, what happened? He’s obviously back.” Knowing that was the only thing making his story bearable, but they didn’t know they would find him at the time. It had to have been hell.
“They left no ransom note. No one wanted anything, it seemed, other than the kids who vanished.” Barrett rapidly blinked. “Then, one day, Phoenix appeared. He was so beat up, but they found him a ways down the beach, miles and miles away. He still wore the same clothes he’d worn when he vanished, and he couldn’t speak for two full days. He sat straight up and just stared forward in a hospital bed. Shock, they said, but it scared me to look into his empty eyes then. Once he finally spoke, he said he couldn’t remember what happened or where the other kids went. He couldn’t tell us if he managed to get awayor if they let him go. Nothing. Three weeks later, they found the other kids’ bodies on the rocks under a pier miles away in the other direction. No one was ever caught for the kidnapping, but Phoenix has never been the same. None of us have, really, not that any of us actually have answers. My family was already loaded in secrets. After that? It was just … over. We are always one second from melting into destruction.”
Lily’s harsh remark made so much more sense, but I shook my head, still disagreeing with her. They were all, according to her, humoringhimbecause of what happened six years earlier.His kidnapping. I wondered how she dared to bring it up at all.She doesn’t have the slightest damned idea what they lived through.I remembered Phoenix’s dark, haunted eyes. I could also remember the way his brothers all circled him when he was around. Their wariness.
I added it all together and pointed out to Barrett, “You blame yourself. For not watching him that day.”
Barrett nodded, brows furrowed as if he wasn’t sure how I could question it. “Sure. Of course I do. I think we all blame ourselves, and we all should. He was the baby. We failed him. All of us did. My parents, if you can believe it, have their own demons, but they became even less involved with us after that. We’re just all … broken. Maybe Phoenix nailed it. Maybe we aren’t any better than him just because we hide it better.” He winced. “I shouldn’t have said that. Now you’re not going to want anything to do with us, and I really want a lot to do with you.”
I threw my arms around him with a huff of frustration. “I am so,sosorry that happened to you all. If no one has mentioned it to you lately, then let me—it wasn’t your fault.” I caught myself before I started crying, blinking fast to hide the tears.This isn’t about me.Realistically, I just met them, and despite feeling like I’d known them forever, they were little more than strangers.The fact I had to keep reminding myself of it wasn’t ideal, though.
They have other secrets?I would be lying if I said my curiosity wasn’t piqued at the idea of more of their secrets. Their grandmother’s journals held secrets she wanted to share with them, yet another layer of intrigue.
I clung to him for a second longer, hoping to offer some comfort, but when I would have pulled away, he squeezed me tighter, his head coming down to my shoulder.
“Thank you,” he sighed, his voice low. “But it was my fault. No matter what anyone says, I will always know I let him down. I appreciate you saying it, though. Regardless of why he’s broken, I can’t fix him right now. I can’t make what he is doing better or make it stop. Although I would do anything to protect him, the one person I can’t protect him from is himself. Still, this morning was fun before he stole your wallet. Last night was fun. It isn’t like I live in a world devoid of pleasure, soaked in only my guilty remorse. I just wanted to be honest with you, so maybe you’ll understand when things … suddenly aren’t fun. Why things are the way they are, so to speak.”
We didn’t move for a long time, just breathing together and holding one another. I didn’t have any magic words that would soothe his guilt over what happened to Phoenix, nor what still happened to them because of that day. What they were still living through, and would be, until he found a way to heal. In his position, I wouldn’t want empty platitudes, so I didn’t offer him any. Eventually, we both scooted backward until our heads lay next to each other on my pillows.
He kissed the top of my head. “Let’s … leave it. There’s nothing we can do to change or undo the past anyway. Right now, I’m pressed up against you in a bed. I don’t want to remember being twelve and terrified. I want to be here with you. Present. Let’s watchPoor Relationon my phone since I haven’tgotten to see the episode yet.” He stuck an earbud in my ear before I could respond, just as I was trying to will my heart to slow down. I never watched my own creations with anyone—not ever, not even my mom. Barrett popped the other earbud into his own ear, oblivious to my rising panic, and tapped through his phone until the video started playing.
As the animated voices filled the space between us, I forced my eyes to the screen. Then, right on cue—just when I would have wanted it—Barrett laughed.
I smiled, despite myself. At least that part had landed exactly the way I intended.
“I love how whoever this isseesthings. The phony. The ridiculous. Still, I think the part that most resonates for me is how her character is searching for something,The Real Deal. I’m looking for that, too.”
I lifted my gaze to study him instead of the screen—I could recite the script verbatim. I’d written every word, directed the virtual narrators on their delivery, drawn each frame, and animated it with puppets. But none of it held my attention the way Barrett did in that moment.
He was so absorbed in the show, he didn’t even realize how I watched him instead of his phone. He laughed again, shaking his head slightly. His scent, so inherently Barrett, flooded my system, and a hot, achy need overtook me. I wanted to be closer to him, to touch him. I snuggled against his side, forced myself to watch the phone for the next fifteen minutes despite my urge to just watch him.
When it was over, as the main character turned her back on the guy who was absolutelynotThe Real Deal, he turned off the screen.
“This is why I never miss an episode. Loved it. How about you?” He tapped the screen on his phone and low jazz music started in each of our solitary ear buds.
“I mean, it’s not the best episode ever. I think there is always room for improvement, but I loved watching it with you.” My lips twitched a bit, because although my answer might be honest, he likely wouldn’t understand my opinions.
He whistled. “Harsh. I thought it was pretty great. What can you think of that could be improved?”
“I don’t know. It’s late for me to be thinking big thoughts.” I stretched, wishing I lied rather than dancing so close to confessing.
He nodded. “I can’t disagree with that.”
We shifted again until our heads were closer. Before I could overthink it, I leaned forward. “Would it be okay if I kissed you?”
“Would it beokay?” He laughed, the low sound sending another wave of electricity crashing through my system. “More than okay, Sweetheart. Please, kiss me.” He visibly swallowed, leaning closer. “I’m dying for it.”
“But just kissing, okay?” Despite the tease of his lips so close and so tempting, I wanted him to understand my boundaries so I wouldn’t have to remember them later.
