Page 48 of Dahlias, Sapphires, and Cool Autumn Dusk
I didn’t know.
I got in the car, relieved as it pulled away from the house. We sped across the city, loud music playing while the driver spoke in a language I didn’t understand to someone on the phone. I stared out the window, seeing nothing and yet finding everything too much at the same time.
After a nod to the doorman, I ran up the stairs to the apartment and shut the door behind me. Inside, I locked and unlocked the door twice.
My aunt wished it all got handled years ago.Handled? What does she want handled?It was Murial’s city, so apparently I came when ordered. Davis looked at me like he wanted to eat me for lunch, and liked the look of me. I shuddered, with way too much to process.
I didn’t have a single response from the Lents yet.Why would they bother to reply to me?They are with their friends, living their normal lives. They should enjoy it.
I sent another text, since they promised me I could have privacy when I wanted it.
Going to bed. Leave me alone tonight, please.
My words seemed clear enough. I wouldn’t close Phoenix out of his own room, since he might need something. We’d already set Barrett’s room up for a group, making Jeremy’s the furthest away if I didn’t use Phoenix’s.
I closed the door, hesitated, then locked it. If they wanted apologies, it would be a problem for later. I stripped out of my beautiful black dress then dropped it wilted on the floor. Every time I wore something I really loved, I had a terrible night.Was the jazz club just hours ago?
Ah, there’s the catch. You used the word.I loved my clothes, so it blew up in my face. Tears leaked down my cheeks as I hugged a pillow against my face, because I remembered I could never say it to them. I need to remember that.
12
Iheard them come back to the apartment, my eyes popping open and adrenaline flooding my system when I heard them. About forty-five minutes had passed since my last text. I only knew because Jer’s clock glowed on the wall. I turned off my phone after I sent the text and put it on the charger. I didn’t want to know if they bothered to answer and I didn’t want to obsess if they didn’t.Did they just get drunk and forget me?Didn’t look at their phones even once? Was Phoenix off in k-la-la-land?
The room smelled like Jer, which made more tears flood from my eyes. Julian’s room struck me as organized, while Jer’s absolutely wasn’t despite the maids. Papers overflowed his desk, tumbling in excess to the floor. It is Friday—no, now it is Saturday morning. He wouldn’t study until later, but if he pounded on the door and told me to get out, I would.
I could hear them having a discussion, but I couldn’t make out their words.Great sound proofing.I waited for someone to pound on the door and shoutget out. When it didn’t happen, I dug my head into the pillow, realizing they weren’t even going tobother. Phoenix wouldn’t sleep without me, so I thought it might be a problem for them that I shut myself away.
But I needed time alone.
I closed my eyes, and dreams came fast.
I walked with my mom, but an older version of her than I’d ever seen in reality. She and my aunt Tricia were identical twins, and I remembered they looked so similar. My mom was graying and wore yoga pants and a long tunic to keep out the chill. It seemed so normal, it made my breath catch in sadness and longing.
I glanced down at my arm, to see myself at my current age instead of the child she left behind. Then I stared at her. Somewhere along the line, we got to be the same height, so I could look her straight in the eye.
She stared back at me before shaking her head sadly. The sky was tornado green. “You need to be careful. I ran away from that life for a reason. I took you away from wealth and privilege, and now, there is a tornado coming, Alatheia.”
I followed where she indicated, and noted she pointed toward where the sky looked green. “Should we run?” I asked her, terror icing my veins as I watched the storm roil toward us.
“It never works,” she replied with a shrug.
I woke up in a sweat. Sunlight streamed through the windows, not a single cloud not to mention green sky in sight. I rubbed at my eyes, wishing I could rub rest into them.
I pulled my knees to my chest, remembering all of the events from the night before, then put my head down on top of them. Nothing technically happened to me, not really. Why did I behave like that? The guys probably were mad at me.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they asked me to leave. I would ask me to leave, if my roommate pulled crap like locking themselves away from me.
I wished I could ask myself to leave, since I didn’t want to be myself that day.
I got out of bed anyway. I still wore my underwear from the night before, but I didn’t want to put back on the dress. Instead, I grabbed one of Jer’s long black shirts, which fell past my knees anyway. I would wash it for him before I returned it. I checked the clock, surprised to see it was only seven in the morning. They wouldn’t be awake yet, meaning I had the apartment to myself.
Which was good. I wouldn’t wake them. Instead, I snuck into Jer’s bathroom then splashed water on my face. I couldn’t get into Barrett’s room to grab my school stuff, but I had my phone and charger, at least.
I grabbed the discarded dress and my phone before powering on the device. With a sigh, I sank to the bed, waiting for my phone to turn on. They probably yelled at me.
I would yell at me.
Rethinking it from their perspective, they probably thought I stormed away from the party with nothing wrong then threw a dramatic fit. It didn’t surprise me that I didn’t manage to keep friends before, not to mention have anyone love me.
