Page 12 of A Reindeer Wish for Love
“So, do you mean give yourself...Are you a bottom?I know something about gay men.”
“Not enough I think, now here, that’s what you came for.”I threw the check down on my desk after signing it.She offered a closed smile, picked it up and dropped it into one of those expensive bags that cost four or five figures.Then she clicked her heels and sauntered in the direction of the door, then turned to face me.
I had hoped she’d just leave because she was working on my tolerance, mind and composure.
“You know you could save us enough time if you just deposited it into my account each month.I don’t relish having to come here.”
And I don’t relish it either,I thought, but for the sake of keeping her here too long or arguing I remained silent.But not for long.“I know you, April, you’ll spend that money, and still come for an occasional check, and you’re looking for a reason to eye some of the young women we’ve hired.”She remained silent with a curious smile plastered over her glossy lips, and I knew I was right.
“You could have invited me and my girl to your Christmas party.”
I furrowed my brow and glanced at her, but my emotions got the best of me.I knew I should have controlled myself, but I had had enough of April.“Fuck off,” I barked.She saluted, reached for the door, opened it, and closed it behind her.I breathed a sigh of relief.That could have ruined my night, but I had learned to control myself and my mind to a point.That may have been the only thing that saved my sanity.
I didn’t know why I allowed April to get under my skin.Perhaps it was my own fault for marrying her when I knew I’d harbored feelings and had been attracted to men.I thought it was just a phase I was going through because I wasn’t satisfied with my relationship with April.I tried to hide my emotions for the same sex, but whenever an attractive man came around me or into my office during business meetings, I had that urge and my cock would twitch.Now I knew why it did.
I guess that was the price I had to pay for staying in the closet for so long.However, it was getting old the way things were going, and especially since I laid eyes on that young man, Clay.
It took a few minutes for me to get myself together.I glanced at a mirror and straightened my tie and wiped the annoyance of April’s visit from my face.I took a deep breath, raised my head, and pretended I had it all together before I stepped in the private elevators.
It appeared David Halifax had the same idea.“How is it going, Mason?”He always called me by my surname.
“The usual, David.”And I greeted him by his first name.
“Is it that bad?I saw April leaving and I knew what that meant.You can’t let her ruin your life.You need to go out and find that special man.No one in this firm will judge you.There are several employees who are gay, and if they aren’t, they have someone in their family who is.Take me for example.”I glanced at David with a raised eyebrow.“No, it’s not me.”He shook his hands and raised them up as if surrendering to someone or something.“I’ve been happily married to my wife for over ten years, and we have two small babies.”
I hoped he didn’t think I meant him because I had been in the closet when I had admitted to him.It was because I had to decide if I wanted to remain in a place where it wasn’t safe for men to declare their sexual preferences.I had many offers for my services as a seasoned and accomplished lawyer, but Halifax was small yet powerful.The Halifax name had been prominent in Manhattan for as long as I could remember.It had been the Halifax men who made this place a powerhouse.Most Halifax men had grown old and died, and the rest had retired with their name intact leaving David to run the company on his own.And that’s where I came in.
“Yes, of course, I remember they’re twin boys,” I stated, stepping out of the elevator and continuing our talk.David smiled because I’d remembered even if we never associated with each other except at the office and after work at the local bar in this building when things got hectic and we needed something to take the edge off.
There was no way I could bring April to anyone’s home for a dinner party, because one, she wouldn’t go, and two, she was hardly ever in New York unless it benefited her, and even then she never kept her word.You couldn’t tell the Halifaxes that you couldn’t come to their family gatherings, and for that reason, April was either in the hospital with a broken leg or any number of excuses I’d fabricated and went alone.
I don’t know how I managed to stay married to her this long,I wondered.
“Chris, did you hear me.My wife has a brother who is gay and is in-between partners.If you like older seasoned men.A bear I think someone said.”After my thoughts were disturbed they were further distressed with the thought of getting involved with an in-law of Halifax who as he put it wasseasoned and a bear.I had nothing against men older than me and hefty, but I thought,If this is my first rodeo I should be with someone who’s learning just like me, or someone younger who understands the gay life and can teach me.
I had to get away from Halifax before I had gotten myself into the same situation I had been running from.I needed to be attracted to a man, I needed to have my heart race being near him, and anticipating mind-blowing sex.And when I looked through a crowd of people and saw Clay, my young handsome man in his twenties pretending to drink his alcoholic drink, I said, “David, I see the new hire and he doesn’t know anyone.I don’t want him to be standing all alone.I really should talk to him and make him feel at ease and convince him this is a safe company for him.”
Halifax offered me a closed smile.“Now that’s a man I would salivate over if I were gay.I hope he’s as good at his job as he looks, because he’s something to behold in that suit.He wears it well.He’s worth a million dollars, but I hope you didn’t pay him that just yet.”
“He has all the credentials to do the job.He was number one at the top of his law class and made the highest score on the LSAT and the Bar Exam and MBE and MPRE, and he law clerked for a friend of yours.I’d say you won’t be disappointed.”
“I hope someone doesn’t steal him from us.”I was hoping the same thing when I raised my eyes and aimed my glance in Clay’s direction.I hoped no one got to him or he had a boyfriend, and he wouldn’t give me a chance.”Then I glanced over and spotted one of the lawyers from a competing law firm standing talking with Clay.
“I have to go, David.”I had to protect my interest I thought as I meandered through men and women standing and talking.
I hurried through a crowd of men who wanted to speak to me, but I was too busy.Some women who wanted my attention tugged at my coat sleeve.They probably heard I was getting a divorce.Gossip traveled on a fast horse, if the one who passed it around was who the gossip was about—namely April.
I thought it was best I got on top of everything, and right now I wanted to be on top of Clay instead of the story I would tell about my pending divorce from April.One woman I couldn’t escape from grabbed my hand instead of my cuff.
“I’m sorry to hear about you and April.”I bet she was, but I was sorry to tell her that I was not looking for a woman to fill my lonely nights, but a man I could bury my sorrows in.
My eyes were focused on Clay and not the woman who I couldn’t remember her name to save my life.“Thank you for your concern.”A passing waiter stopped and offered me and the woman a drink.We both accepted.However, probably for different reasons, mine being I needed the courage to approach him, but first I had to run from the woman.
“I know you’re going to be working late, and I’m just recently divorced, and if you need someone to cry on their shoulder, I’m available.I’m a super good listener.”I took a sip of my liquor.
“I’m sure you are and if I need someone I know where to find you.”
“I’m Mr.Halifax’s office manager.”That was where I saw her.Lurking around, but I couldn’t figure out what she did and I didn’t have the time to find out, because I didn’t have time for my own life to be bothered with others’.
