Page 44 of Operator
“I think so.” The scent of gardenia body stuff fills my nose, and against my better judgement, the vision of her soaping up her naked body fills my head once more. “—off guard, but I think I’m feeling better. It just hurt to see him.”
“Yeah, babe. I know.” That at least we can agree on. Clearing my throat, I say, “Where are the jobs you applied to?”
“Oh, all over. I’m not sure I’m going to take any of them. I mean, it was mostly on a whim to see how it felt. I probably won’t get called for an interview, but it felt good to take that step.” The water shuts off.
I get to my feet and nab a towel to throw over the shower curtain. It disappears and then a moment later, Gwen steps out with it wrapped around her curves. My gut tightens and I swallow…hard. The towel barely fits around her breasts and the thick flare of her hips and rounded thighs. Burying my face in the shadowed realm where the towel splits open would serve to distract us both.
Unaware of my thoughts, Gwen pads by me to the bedroom and disappears into the walk-in closet to change. I let out a breath and curse my depravity. There’s so much wrong about this, I don’t know where to start.
I grasp for something to say to distract myself. “That’s good. I’m sure you’ll get an interview. You’ll kick ass no matter what you decide to do.”
The nursing nightgown she’d dressed in does my imagination no favors. Most of her clothing these days is for utility rather than titillation (pun intended), but it may as well be from La Perla. The black spandex-y material leaves nothing to the imagination. I know from experience the top unclips for easy access, and it’s short enough that her luscious legs are visible.
She doesn’t seem to notice that I can’t take my eyes off her. “That’s nice of you to say, but there’s a huge gap in my resume and working at the diner doesn’t exactly scream qualified in my field. But who knows? If I’ve learned anything these past two years, it’s that things never go to plan.”
She’s got that right.
“How are you feeling now?” I can tell from the color in her face and the steadiness in her eyes she’s not in shock anymore, but I need to hear her say it.
Her soft smile eases the tension inside me...until she starts putting on lotion. “Much better. Thank you. The food and shower were a good idea. I’m okay now, really. You were right, I was just in shock. I didn’t think I’d ever see him like that again.”
I lean against the bathroom door frame to keep my knees from buckling. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She pauses her application of lotion to her legs. “No, not right now. I’m not sure what else we can say until we hear from the detective. Not that there’s much they can do. Like I said, I think until we know more, the best we can do now is move on with our lives.”
“Yeah.” I push to my feet, suddenly needing space to breathe. She doesn’t need me staring at her legs and dreaming about licking her to insanity. She needs rest. Space. And I need to get my shit together. Only a complete dickhead would make a move on her now. “I’ll let you get some sleep.
I move to the door, but her voice stops me. “Wait.”
Turning, I say, “What is it?”
Her lavender eyes are huge and still shiny with emotion. “Will you stay with me?”
It would be better for both of us if I were. Safer.But right now? I can’t say no to her.
She wraps a thin blanket around her bare shoulders and sits on the edge of the bed looking like temptation swathed in sin. When I can’t speak, she says, “I just really don’t want to be alone right now.”
“Gwen…” I hedge.
“Please, Cal.”
It’s theplease. It’ll always be the please. She could ask me to do anything, and all she’d have to do is say please and I’d be at her back and call, no matter what.
And I know even as I’m moving to the side of the bed opposite her that this is a mistake. She’s vulnerable and tender. It should be up to me to protect her feelings, but I’ve never wanted anything more than to be close to her. To hold her. Comfort her.
So when she lifts up the blanket and looks to me in welcome, I slide in next to her like it’s where I was meant to be all along.
At my insistence, Gwen takes a sleeping pill when I promise to wake her up in a few hours to pump. She does so like a zombie as I feed Violet and then both girls are back out. I can’t find it in me to sleep along with them, though. Worry eats away at my insides.
For Gwen, and for Violet. If anything were to happen to them…
I must pass out from pure exhaustion because the next thing I know, Gwen is quietly returning from the kitchen with a glass of water. Violet is snoozing in the bassinet. Not seeing me awake, Gwen gets into bed next to me. She drinks deeply from the glass, and I watch her delicate throat work.Her red hair is a wild tangle around her shoulders and the scent of gardenias tickles my nose. She can’t possibly know that’s my favorite flower. Or maybe it’s my favorite because it reminds me of her.
Finally noticing me, she says, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
I roll toward her and finger her hair, then caress down her arm. “That’s okay, you didn’t. Did you sleep okay?”
She shivers delicately under my touch. “Like a rock.”
