Page 48 of Operator
“I’m fine, just feeling a little edgy.” I sit down for barely a second and then I’m up again. I can’t shake the feeling we should be doing something, anything, but I’m not sure there’s much we can do aside from wait and see. I’ve never been the wait and see sort. I’m more about action.
I pace to the door to let Daisy out and stare out into the empty yard as she sniffs around the bushes. “Why don’t we take the baby out somewhere?”
Gwen looks up from the squirming baby. “What?”
“Let’s get out of the house. You’ve been cooped up in here for weeks. We could all use some fresh air.” She hasn’t agreed yet, but I’m already darting to the baby’s room and grabbing her diaper bag and packing extra supplies. Diaper. Check. Change of clothes. Check. Wipes. Check. All set.
She joins me with Violet and purses her lips before saying, “You don’t think it’s dangerous?”
“I think we’re all going to go a little stir crazy if we don’t. I’ve got all her stuff. Let’s go.” I urge them to the front door, then forget my keys and wallet and have to double back.
“I can agree with that.” Her mirth bubbles over in snorting giggles as she watches me jog back with wallet and keys in hand. She sobers a little. “What if they come back while we’re gone?”
Steering her to the door, I squeeze her shoulders in reassurance. “If they do, we’ll see it on the surveillance cameras. We’ll be ready for them.” Plus, I have a weapon in the truck if worse comes to worse, but I have a feeling they’re waiting to see what we do about the video. Maybe they think it’s enough to scare us off. Maybe scaring is all they want to do at this point.
She pauses after loading up the screaming potato into the car seat. Looking up at me, she wrinkles her brow. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
My gaze flits around the yard, wondering if they’re out there watching. “Why wouldn’t I be?” But my voice is distracted.
She angles my head back to her with a hand and an eyeroll. “I don’t know, you seem a little antsy.”
I roll my shoulders. “Ford will be here tomorrow. Maybe I’m a little on edge seeing him. I haven’t talked to him since that deployment.”
“How long has it been?” she asks as we both climb into the truck.
“Years. Since we all got back from the deployment after we lost Tate.”
She takes my hand in hers and lets them rest in her lap. I like the fact that she needs to touch me. That’s she’s starting to reach for me without conscious thought. “He’s coming to see you. Clearly, he wants to talk. This is a good thing, Cal. You guys were close before. Did you see if the others want to come, too?”
I nod absently, lost in memories of them as I ease the truck out onto the road. “Dean wouldn’t answer my calls. He’s doing Search & Rescue a few hours north. The asshole probably has me blocked. He always held a grudge. Killian is working for some politician with special clearance. He’s unreachable. No one’s heard from James since Tate died, but then again, he always had a knack for disappearing when he wanted to disappear.”
Once we get going, the baby finally settles down. She really hates the car seat sometimes. I focus in on Gwen’s hand in mine and the feeling of her thumb tracing my palm soothes my raw edges.
Absently, she says, “If Ian and what happened on his last deployment really are all tied together and has to do with Ryan Tate, then the only way we’re going to figure out what’s going on is to talk to each other. Ya’ll probably know more than you think you do.”
I pull her hand to my lips for a kiss. “Maybe. One thing at a time. When Ford gets here, we’ll go through the box of Tate’s stuff he got from Tate’s mother and go from there. I just wish this all wasn’t so fucked.”
“It won’t always be. We’re going to figure it out together, right?”
I sure as hell like the way together sounds. This time I hold her hand against my thigh because I can’t seem to let her go. “Right.”
“Where are we going?” she asks as I pull out onto Main Street. Once upon a time, the sight of the orderly cars neatly lined along the street would have made me feel stifled. But now, with Gwen at my side and the sound of the baby cooing in the seat behind me, I feel…at home. Not necessarily because of where we are, but because of who I’m with. Striped awnings shade the well-tended storefronts—many of which belong to my family in one way or another. The Grub ‘N Stuff, a coffee shop, a gift shop. On the opposite side are the post office and town hall. Pedestrians stroll along the sidewalk and stop to chat with those coming and going from the shops. Sweet Creek looks like a thousand other small-town America places I’ve seen, but what makes it important to me right now is the woman at my side.
“I hope this doesn’t strike you the wrong way, but I’d like to go to Ian’s grave.”
Her head swivels around to me as we stop at a stop sign to let a group of people jog across the faded crosswalk. A lone caution light swings against the backdrop of the clear blue sky dotted with fluffy clouds. “Youwhat?”
Somewhere near, an engine backfires and my heart beats a little faster. I glance in the rearview and notice a rusted old Ford chugging to a stop behind us. A grizzled old man sits behind the wheel. I recognize him as a regular from the diner and I breathe a little easier. “I haven’t been since I’ve been home. If I’m being honest, I’ve been afraid to go. Makes it too real. Will you go with me? I don’t want to be alone.”
Gwen studies my face as I ease off the brake and aim the truck to the cemetery where my family has been buried for generations. I hate the thought of Ian being there. Of his body being cold and all alone deep in the earth. I wish Bunny had let him be cremated, but he didn’t have a will and she was adamant. Gwen, of course, just wanted everyone to be happy, I’m sure, so she went along with it.
“Are you sure?” She waves at someone calling her name from the park on the edge of town. Probably a mom she knows from the baby group thing she attends at the library with Violet. From her open window, I catch the aroma of baking bread and coffee from the bakery and the earthy scent of brewing rain even though there isn’t a rain cloud in the sky.
I nod as I pull off onto a dirt road, where a dog watches intently from the front porch of a quaint brick house, then gives a loud bark and starts chasing the truck. It gives up after a about a half mile. “Definitely. It’s about time I did. Would it bother you?” Once I’m certain the dog is safely out of range, I glance over at her to gauge her reaction. Her face is serene, surprisingly, and she squeezes my hand when she sees me looking at her.
Her gaze goes back to the window where fields of corn and cows pass by in a blur. Red-orange dust kicks up into the air, mixing with the scent of fresh grass and sweet honeysuckle. “No. Of course not. Not if it’s something you want to do. We usually go out there a couple of times a month.”
“It is. I need to say my goodbye.” She’s quiet for a long moment and I occupy myself studying the baby in the mirror above her car seat. Violet is fast asleep with her held off kilter and one of her hands stuck in her mouth. I never knew I could love anyone so much, but I’d do anything for her. For them.
