Page 27 of Shielding His Heart
Before Tana’s accident, she would have tucked me into bed and wrapped her arms around me as I worked through the adrenaline crash after a call. Either that or got me a beer and gave me some space. She always seemed to know what I wanted. Right now, she’s hovering in the doorway, uncertain of where she’s supposed to be or what she’s supposed to be doing.
“Thanks for helping with them,” I tell her as the girls change. “You should get some sleep.”
“You don’t need me to sit with them? I’m sure you need to sleep too.”
“I won’t be able to sleep for a while. It’ll take me time to settle, and my mom will be by once she sees how many calls she missed. She’ll help so I can sleep then. Trust me, if this is a stomach bug, you’ll want all the rest you can get if we all catch it.”
Her eyes widen, and she nods. “Alright then. Good night, Alec,” she says softly.
I give a curt nod when she doesn’t push to stay like she would have before the accident. “Good night.”
The sound of her footsteps fades as she pads down the stairs. I’d give anything to have her in bed with me as I settle our girls next to me for the rest of the long morning. Right now, she’s downstairs, but she may as well be light-years away.
CHAPTER14
TANA
It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t.
Ever since I woke up in that damn hospital bed, all I’ve wanted is for them to realize I’m not the woman they used to know. Right? So then why does it hurt so badly to remember how Alec looked at me? Like I was a stranger in his family.
A quick glance at the clock and the 2:00 a.m. readout mocks me. I groan into my pillow and toss and turn, trying to get comfortable, but to no avail. Every time I close my eyes, I see Alec’s face before he told me to go back to bed. Defeat. He looked defeated. Like he couldn’t fathom fighting another second despite the promises he’d made. Who can blame him? So far, the doctors have been right. I’m not going to remember anything from my former life. I’ve known that all along, and I thought I’d be relieved for Alec to finally get it, but I’m not.
It was only a matter of time before it happened, really. I just didn’t expect it to hurt so much when it did.
Silly.
Groaning at the memory of the previous night plaguing me once again, I throw off the covers and pace at the foot of my bed. I’m not going to be able to sleep, again, so I go to the kitchen for something to distract me. Maybe they have some more of that cheesecake hidden in the fridge. The girls had been pretty much bed bound for the last twenty-four hours and Alec had been at their beck and call. I stuck to my room to give them their space and at Alec’s request to make sure I didn’t get the bug, too. They’re all probably sleeping it off now that the worst of it has passed. I don’t think Alec has slept much, if at all, in the past forty-eight hours.
But of course I find him sipping from a glass of amber liquid at the island in the kitchen. Based on his posture, I can tell it’s not the first drink he’s had. I glance at the bottle on the counter. It’s nearly a third empty. How long has he been here, alone? I look back at him and study him more closely. His shoulders are slumped, and his eyes are deeply shadowed. When he glances up at me, I freeze. Maybe part of me is afraid he’ll look at me like that again.
Like I don’t belong.
He sighs heavily and sips from his glass. When he puts it down, his lips are glistening with the liquid. “Listen, I’m not in the mood to have a discussion right now.” A little stung at the memory ofthat look,I turn, and then his voice hits my back. “But if you wanna have a drink with me, we can do that. No strings. It’s always more fun to drink with someone else.”
Rubbing my eyes, I cross to the wine rack in the island and take a bottle out at random. Maybe a fucking drink is exactly what I need. I don’t know him; I don’t know these kids. I barely know what the fuck I’m doing. I stop, bottle in hand, and glance around the empty kitchen. “Where the hell are the wine glasses?”
I’m so damn tired of not knowing anything. Of feeling like the odd man out. I’m so tired of agonizing about every little detail of my life. The thought of drinking all those worries away sounds sublime. Maybe he has the right idea.
Alec throws back the rest of his drink and gestures to a cabinet by the sink with his empty glass. Pushing to his feet, he moves wordlessly to the counter to mix another drink. The tang of bourbon and orange bitters fills the air. When he’s done, he retrieves a corkscrew and holds out his hand for the bottle of wine. I give it to him, and he cuts the plastic off the top, uses the corkscrew to remove the cork, and pours a sample for me. The dark red liquid glimmers in the light from above.
I take the proffered glass. Look at it. Then hand the untasted wine back to him. “Don’t be stingy, Alec. Fill ’er up.” Might as well do the damn thing.
Am I imagining it, or does his sour expression melt into a grin for a half-second?
“Take it easy on that now. It’s my favorite. But you should probably be careful. . . it’s stronger than it seems.”
I take a sip, unable to look away from him. The full-bodied flavor bursts on my tongue. I imagine him drinking it, and the thought of the wine on his tongue sends a shiver through me. Needing to get rid of the sudden burst of heat, I chug half the glass. At his lifted brow, I give a little shrug. “You aren’t the only one who had a long couple days.”
“Fair enough.” He goes to sit back on his stool and drinks deeply. “I’m not gonna bite. Come sit down.”
Swallowing hard, I take the stool next to him. “You okay?”
He cradles his glass on the counter in both hands. “Thought we weren’t going to turn this into a discussion. We’ve done enough of that here recently, and it hasn’t changed a damn thing. All I wanna do is forget. Can you give me that for one night?”
A rush of sympathy flows through me at the anguish in his eyes. I soften toward him a little and lift my glass. “Sure. I’m great at forgetting. What would you like to talk about instead?”
He thinks on it for a minute and then says, “Why don’t we play a game?”
