Page 34 of Aviator
My stomach sinks when I realize I haven’t thought of him since. . . before we left Dean’s house. What does that say about me? About our relationship? I fall into a wicked spiral, going over our entire relationship with a fine-tooth comb. How had I not even realized he was cheating on me? Was I as distracted and focused on my sisters as he always said I was?
There were times in our relationship when he accused me of being emotionally closed off, if you can believe it. Had I been closed off to him? Is that why he turned to another woman?
“What’s wrong?” Dean asks, interrupting my self-flagellation.
“What?”
“You look like you want to punch something.” He says this like that something might be him. “Still thinking about Kady?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing.”
“I’ve been around enough women to know when they sayit’s nothing, they’re lying. So, what is it?”
I laugh uncomfortably. “You don’t want to hear about all my problems.” Please, please, don’t want to hear about all my problems.
“Might as well spill. Your incessant chatter keeps me distracted from the pain.”
Sending him a glare, I blow out a breath and hitch my purse a little higher on my shoulders. “Well, when you put it like that, how can a girl refuse? It’s nothing, really. You mentioning family made me think about my fiancé.Ex-fiancé.” I correct at his startled look. “I found out he was cheating the morning I got the call from Kady. So, emphasis on theex.” When he doesn’t speak and just watches me with those all-seeing eyes, I continue. “He was apparently sleeping with a coworker. I did the thing you aren’t supposed to do and fell for my boss. He used to complain all the time about me giving too much time and attention to my sisters. Used to make me feel like shit about it.”
“He sounds like a fuckin’ asshole,” Dean says bluntly.
My first instinct is to defend Garrett, but I swallow it back. “I can’t say you’re wrong.”
“If he were any kind of man, he’d realize your devotion to your family is something he should admire.”
“Really?” I look up at him, but his gaze is straight ahead, and it looks like his mind is elsewhere. It makes me wonder. . . “What about you?” I ask.
At this, he glances at me. “What about me?”
“Do you have any family other than Gramps? Ever been engaged?” I can tell the instant I ask the question, it hits a little too close to home. His shoulders stiffen, he nearly stumbles, and the light in his eyes gutters out. “I’m sorry. That was too personal. You don’t have to answer,” I sputter out.
He looks away, and even underneath the beard and thick jacket, I can see his throat bob with a swallow. I’m kicking myself for ruining what had been a good conversation with my stupid mouth when he says, “I was married. For four years. Her name was Georgia. We had a little girl.”
Now it’s my turn to nearly stumble. Dean was married? He was a father? I don’t interrupt because I’m afraid he’ll clam up again, and I’m dying to know what happened. But at the same time, I’m a little terrified it’s going to break my heart.
Because now I realize the reason he’s been such a jerk. He lost them in a way he never quite recovered from. My heart squeezes for him, but I keep my mouth shut to let him talk.
“Our daughter’s name was Penelope. We called her Penny. I used to call her my Lucky Penny.” His voice grows more hoarse with each word, and I can already feel the tears prickling at the back of my eyes and throat. I bite my lip so hard I can almost taste blood. “Georgie didn’t want me to go on my last deployment. I could have turned it down. But I couldn’t say no to my team. They needed me. So, I went. After all that shit went down with Tate, all I could think about was coming home to my girls. They were the only things keeping me sane.” My breath catches, but thankfully, he doesn’t hear me. “I was at the airport waiting for Georgia to pick me up. She normally met me wearing the same sweater and carrying a big cheesy sign. I couldn’t wait to see them. But she wasn’t there. I thought maybe she got caught up in traffic. After a while, I took an Uber home. There were cops there waiting for me.”
“No,” I whisper under my breath.
“They’d been killed in a car accident. Semi driver fell asleep at the wheel and hit them head-on. Both died on impact.”
“Dean.”
“I regret every second I spent away from them. I’ve spent the years since hoping this has all been a dream and that they’ll come home to me. It took me a long time to accept that they wouldn’t be.”
I remember his anguished eyes when I first saw him on his doorstep. I thought he’d been a jerk. It never occurred to me that maybe he had reason to be. My experience with my parents leaving when I was young gave me a taste of what it was like to lose someone in a way that changes you forever. To lose a wife. . . But to lose a child. . . It’s no wonder he is the way he is. It’s a miracle he’s still upright, to be honest. I’m not sure I could be that strong.
“Can we take a break for a minute?” Dean asks, and I realize his limp is more pronounced.
I nod because if I start talking, I know it’ll involve tears, so I follow him to a tree stump, where he sits and takes out his water for a long drink. I do the same because my throat is dry from trying not to let my tears fall.
When I’m sure I can control myself, I say, “Tell me about them.”
His eyes meet mine and flit away. For a while, I don’t think he’ll answer, then he starts. “Georgie was a stylist. Lots of dark brown curly hair out to here.” He gestures around his head, and I bark out a laugh because he’s clearly still befuddled by it. “Penny got her hair and her personality, thank god. They were twins.” His voice cuts out a little, and he says, “I miss them so much it’s like I lost a part of me.”
I don’t know why I’m not surprised to hear him speak so passionately about someone. Maybe I always knew there was a reason he pushed everyone away. Hell, maybe that’s why I tried so hard to have him fly me out. I could relate to him. My parents didn’t die, but they did abandon me when I needed them the most. For a child. . . I don’t think I could imagine something worse.
