Page 45 of In Between Darkness
I hear the fumbling of people quickly getting to their feet.
“Now, I want you all to look down at the ground.”
I look down at my black boots that are not quite worn in yet, pinching my toes slightly. There is no uniform for taming, but they recommend you wear black leather or sweats; nothing that can restrict your movement in any way. Elions are confused by bright colours and sometimes see them as targets, so we are all in black.
“Now take your shoes off.”
The class looks around at each other as if assessing whether to take this demand seriously. Nala slips her boots off first, and the rest of us follow.
“Great. Now, I want you all to wiggle your toes.”
We do as we’re told, and Nala looks at me and giggles.
“Focus on the sensation of the floor, your toes scraping the surface.”
The wood scratches against the bottoms of my feet.
“Now I want you to imagine your feet are stuck to the ground with superglue. They cannot be lifted; they are one with the wood.”
He walks around the room, observing each of us as if he were taking notes on our forms. “Feel as your weight shifts to the soles of your feet.”
He nods at me as if I have his approval. I must be doing something right.
“This is called grounding. It is the first step in masking. Hold on to that feeling. Now, think of a memory. It has to be a strong memory, one strong enough to overcome fear but also weak enough to still your mind. Maybe it’s the moment you got your first pet or fell in love for the first time. I don’t care what it may be.” He pauses for a moment as if he’s letting us figure out our chosen memory.
I struggle to think of a memory prominent enough to black out fear. I think about my father and all our special moments, like when he took me to the beach for the first time or when he taught me how to play poker, but these memories now feel tainted with lies and deceit. What used to be happy memories now fill my mind with chaos and too many unanswered questions. I need to find my calm. My eyes drift slowly around the room looking for hints that other people are finding this as hard as I am. The students are quiet, most deep in concentration with their eyes closed. However, some people are fidgeting a little and scanning the room like I am, which eases my mind a little. I close my eyes again and mentally flick through more memories, hoping to find one secure enough to hold on to and keep me afloat, but in each one, I find a new hole that fear could seep through.
“CLAP”
Mr Knight smashes his palms together, making a loud clapping sound, causing all the students to jump and open their eyes.
“An elion would smell your fear in that moment; you should be unfazed by what is going on around you. Try again.” His voice snaps through us like a rubber band as we try to regain composure and step away from the edge he has us on.
My old memories are not working. I can’t even think of my father without thinking about the secrets he kept from me, and all I feel is worry when I think about the village I grew up in, how close my dad is to the Moon people going missing in Briverna. And thinking about my mother usually only floods my mind with guilt about how I killed her just by existing, but now it is also mixed with how confused and angry I feel about the supposed kidnapping and Luca Thorncroft.
“AGGGGHHHHH.”
Mr Knight shouts loudly, catching me off guard again. I open my eyes in frustration. Masking is harder than I thought. Nala didn’t even budge at Mr Knight’s distraction; she really is a natural. She looks so peaceful, like she is sleeping standing up. I wonder what she is thinking about. I think Mr Knight can tell I am struggling because he makes his way over to me.
“Asha…The girl who faced an elion and didn’t back down,” a proud whisper eludes from his lips. “I have high hopes for you.”
He smiles gently and acknowledges my frustration with this task. He looks at me but projects his voice loudly as if this is also a teaching moment. “If the memories you are choosing are not working, search for a feeling instead, one that overpowers everything else. A feeling so intense it dissipates everything else around you.”
I nod at him and concentrate again. I shift my weight to my feet and close my eyes, searching for an intense feeling. I think about the force that keeps bringing me back to Ryder; it has tobe stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before, strong enough to rip me from my subconscious and into his presence. I imagine the whoosh of butterflies in my stomach when he is near me. How my hair stands up, one by one, when his hot breath tickles over my skin. I fight the urge to bite my lip as I remember the feeling of his mouth, warm on my neck. The contrast of his harsh stubble caressing my soft skin. His body pressed up against mine. His whispers feel like silk as I shiver and arch towards his touch. I imagine his strong arms wrapped around me, my head resting against his chest, the hard ridges of his body pressed up against mine. I feel safe. My body begins to rock slightly and I realise I am being shaken. I open my eyes and see Mr Knight standing in front of me. The rest of the class has returned to the crescent benches. “Excellent work, Asha. Whatever you were thinking about clearly worked. You remained still despite my efforts to startle you.”
I look back at him, puzzled. I can’t believe that really worked. I look over at Nala who is smiling widely at me. I didn’t even notice when everyone around me stopped the exercise.
“Must’ve been some feeling,” Mr Knight grins and nudges my arm before heading back to the front of the room.
“You don’t know the half of it,” I whisper to myself as I take my seat next to Nala.
“Asha, your masking is incredible.” She looks at me in disbelief. “Mr Knight used an airhorn as his last fear technique. It shook the whole class and startled us all. You were the only one who didn’t move. You kept your focus the whole time… You were amazing.” That can’t be right. An airhorn? I didn’t hear an airhorn?
“Mr Knight is just a really good teacher,” I reply, still shocked at this information.
“Yes, he really is,” she says emphatically, and focuses her attention back on Mr Knight, who is, in fact, carrying a red airhorn.
We stand in silence, listening to Mr Knight. We are about to meet the elions.
