Page 48 of The Love Duet
Pepper~
After calling to check on Leah and Tullie, I’d had no choice but to call Roxanne for some advice.I couldn’t believe how badly I’d messed up with Josiah, and if he left, I’d never forgive myself.When I’d been waiting for him to come home, I had vowed that I’d put myself in his shoes and to be the type of person that listened, but I had failed miserably.Instead of letting him talk, I’d made it about my feelings again, and I’d gotten no closer to understanding what he was going through.
At any rate, after I’d left him on the back porch, I’d gone inside, taken a shower, then had gotten into bed like I was eighty, not forty-five.Then, once I’d gotten comfortable, I had called Leah to see how things were going, and after assuring me that the law saw her as a legal adult, I had talked to Tullie for a bit, letting him reassure me that they were both doing fine.
So, after hanging up with them, I had called Roxanne because that’s what I did whenever I needed advice.Yeah, I still had my parents for that kind of thing, but parents didn’t know everything about you the way that your best friend did.Plus, I didn’t want to worry them any more than I’d already had after telling them about the attack.It’d taken everything to convince my father not to move to Macon.In fact, it’d been Tullie that had calmed him down, assuring him that I would always be looked after.Of course, that’d been before he’d gotten the promotion in Colorado, but still.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Roxanne signed.“It’s not an easy situation for anyone.”
I stared into the phone that was propped in my Big Bird hands-free stand.“I just feel so stupid,” I signed back.“I want to apologize, but I have a feeling that I’d only make things worse, if that’s even possible.”
“Pepper, Josiah is a grown man, and maybe it’s time that you start treating him like one,” she signed.“Though he might be mentally fragile, that doesn’t mean that he’s mentally fragileallthe time and doesn’t know his own mind.Plus, you know nothing about his personal life, Pepper.How do you know that he’s not scarred from a failed marriage?Have you ever asked him why he’s not married or has any kids?I mean, according to you, all he’s talked about so far is his military career and parents, but he’s forty-seven, Pepper.Why isn’t he married or have kids?”
“I don’t know,” I signed back, feeling rather blindsided by how those questions had never occurred to me.“I...I never asked, and he’s never mentioned it.”
“You didn’t ask because you started to like him,” she accused, and she wasn’t necessarily wrong.
“You’re making me feel worse,” I grumbled as I signed.
“That’s not what I’m trying to do,” she assured me.“I’m only trying to get you to stop for a second and see the reality of what this really is, Pepper.You really don’t know Josiah, and instead of getting your feelings hurt when he tells you that, you should just recognize it for the truth that it is.You’re also missing the entire point of his objections.”
“Which is?”
“He’s trying to protect you, Pepper,” she signed as her face softened.“I don’t think that he’s trying to stifle your impulsiveness so much as that he’s just trying to get you to stop and think before you go all in with a situation that you’re not fully knowledgeable about.”
“God, I’m such an asshole.”
Roxanne just chuckled.“You’re not an asshole.It’s just been a long time since you’ve had some actual interest in a man, and you’re mis-stepping a bit.”
“I really like him,” I admitted.“And, God, the way he looks in only a towel haunts me almost every night.”
“I take it that you’re going through batteries by the pack,” she teased, grinning at me.
“You have no idea,” I sighed as I signed.“The kind that you buy at Costco.”
“Look, if he shows up for breakfast, apologize, and then agree to start over,” she suggested.“If he agrees, then focus on being his friend first, Pepper.I know that’s hard when feelings are already involved, but you will end up hating yourself if your...yourinsistenceends up causing him an episode.So, just...let Josiah come to you when he’s ready.After all, he knows where to find you, right?”
I nodded.“Yeah, he does.”
“And you never know,” she went on.“Without the pressure of anything else, he might just open up and tell you why he’s not married or has kids, which will definitely give you an insight to how he feels about women and relationships.”
“God, I really screwed this up, didn’t I?”
Her beautiful face softened again.“A little.”
That got a laugh out of me.“You really are good for me, Roxanne Cameron.”
Roxanne just grinned.“I’m the third best thing to ever happen in your life.”
That was our joke, one that we’d been sharing for years.Since our kids were the most important things to us, by default, Royce and Tullie were the second most important things to us because we wouldn’t have our children had it not been for those two men.
“So, best-third-thing-to-ever-happen-in-my-life, how do I get over how stupid I feel?”I asked as I signed my misery.“Because I’m feeling very stupid right now.”
“That I can’t help you with,” she signed back bluntly.“You’re just going to have to let the feeling fuel you into doing better.That’s all I’ve got.”
I laughed, asking, “Do you think that Royce might have some advice?”
“On female emotions?”she laughed, her eyes wide as she signed the question twice.
