Page 33 of The Love Duet
My descent into homelessness also hadn’t happened overnight.Once the doors to the veteran’s offices were locked, I had tried a million online support groups, but talking to people online wasn’t the same as connecting with someone in person.Plus, so many people on the internet pretended to be something that they weren’t, and so all the online groups lacked the authenticity that came with in-person therapy and support.
At any rate, the loss of support had re-triggered the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the panic attacks, and my boss had been as lenient as he could be until he’d had no choice but to fire me for failure to show up and perform.Upon retirement, I’d known that it wouldn’t be enough to survive on, so I’d gotten a job at a local hardware store, happy to be a stockboy, the physical labor therapeutic in a way that some people didn’t understand.When you worked a laborious job, the results of your hard work were immediate.You got to see the difference that you made right away, so stocking shelves hadn’t bothered me in the least.
Nevertheless, when things had started going south, I still hadn’t given up.Even though I’d lost my job, I’d still had my pension and hope, but with the cost of living being what it’d been and being worse now, I hadn’t been able to pay the bills.Even after cashing out all my other retirement accounts, it hadn’t been enough to last until I could figure something out.For almost two years, I’d done my best to stay afloat and take responsibility for myself, but the one thing that math didn’t do was lie.
I’d also made the decision to stay here once I’d lost my apartment because, no matter where you went, life was expensive when you had no money.There was also the fact that the nearest town with veteran services was two states away, and it’d been a choice between using all my money to move to a new town and wishing for the best, or staying here, stretching that money out for as long as I could, hoping that the online support groups would eventually help.
However, the problem with doubt was that it was contagious and could touch every single decision that you made, and that was where I found myself now.I was constantly torn between wondering if I’d done the right thing or wrong thing with my life, and while some people would argue that I was making the obvious bad choices since I was homeless, that didn’t mean that my other options were the right ones.My parents were both in their seventies, traveling the country, enjoying their retirement, and what kind of son would that make me if I repaid them for everything by making them suffer my choices along with me?
My parents deserved better.
Besides, when you considered all that I’d done in this life, maybe I needed to suffer a bit.We all had to pay a price for our sins, and I was just paying for mine a little bit earlier than most.Rather than waiting for death to determine my punishment, I was still alive, if that’s what you could call it.
Tying my hair back in a rubber band that I’d found in the park, I quickly washed my face, neck, and hands in the restroom at St.Angelo’s, their priests always very welcoming.Granted, they didn’t allow us to sleep in the pews, but they did offer basic services, and since the homeless population was a small one here, they were able to be generous with their kitchens, which was something that I was ever grateful for.While I’d done what I’d had to in order to survive all my tours, that desperation had never turned me into a thief or degenerate.
Just a murderer.
Yeah, just a murderer.
~
Pepper~
I was in the back room, making some new arrangements, when I heard the bell on the front door chime happily.I also felt a sense of peace as I heard Laurie greet the new customer, one less thing that I had to do today.
Luckily for me, I had two of the best employees around, and I made sure to pay them enough that they never left.Laurie Ross was a thirty-year-old darling, and with her dark blonde hair, big brown eyes, and cherub face, she was exactly what you wanted to see when you walked into a flower shop.She was also friendly, helpful, and knew quite a bit about flowers.I had hired her before opening the shop, and with the simple hours that we kept, the job worked out perfectly for her and her family.
My second full-time employee was Wilmar Perico, and I had also hired him before opening the shop, and he handled deliveries, something that the single women of Macon constantly thanked me for.Wilmar was thirty-two, had dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and if it wasn’t enough that he kept himself in shape, he was also a single dad that just endeared him to everyone.He had two young sons, and he was another one that I made sure to pay well.
As for my part-time employees, I paid them a couple of dollars over minimum wage to help clean up, unload deliveries, and fill in if I was ever not able to, and since most of them were high school kids, there were never any complaints about the pay.
That was another thing that I always found myself grateful for when I counted the blessings in my life.When Tullie and I had graduated college, we could have ended up anywhere else in the world, but Tullie taking the job at Steep Chem had turned out to be one of the best decisions that we’d ever made.The picturesque town of Macon hadn’t been an illusion, and it really was a great place to raise a family.It was also close enough to visit my parents whenever I felt the need.Yeah, it wasn’t close to Roxanne, but that still didn’t stop us from being best friends.
Thinking of her, I stopped with the flowers, then pulled my phone out of my pocket to call her.While most of our calls were done through video chat, Roxanne spoke clearly enough that we could talk over the phone if it was just a quick call, but since she preferred signing, that’s usually what we went with.So, I dialed her number, then propped my phone up against the empty vase that was just waiting to become part of a masterpiece.I also made sure to shut the door for some privacy, not that anyone could overhear us, but still.
As soon as she answered the phone, I couldn’t stop the smile that crossed my face.Roxanne was in her kitchen, and I could see her youngest son behind her, helping with lunch.Roxanne and Royce had gone on to have four kids, three boys and one girl, and while the three older ones were out living their lives, her youngest was still only seventeen, so they still had one left before it was just them two again.
“I was thinking of you, so I decided to call,” I signed, making her grin.
“Well, I’m glad you did,” she signed back.“I’ve missed you.”
“Not as much as I miss you,” I signed, something that I always meant from the bottom of my heart.“But we have only two more months before our vacation, so I’ll see you soon enough.”
When Leah had finally left for college, I could admit that I had struggled a bit, and so Roxanne had declared the beginning of an annual family vacation for all of us, and we’d chosen the last week of July, that way we could spend as much time with the younger ones before they headed back to school.
As for the older ones, not wanting to disrupt their new adventures in life, while there was a standing invitation for them to join us, Roxanne had decided not to force them to attend if they didn’t want to or couldn’t.Being deaf, a person’s sense of independence was very important to her, and so she refused to be a smother-mother, though we all knew that Royce felt differently.While all the kids would always show up as to not disappoint their mother, Royce would make sure that they showed up, doing whatever he could to keep his wife from becoming upset.
“I can’t wait,” she signed back.“So, how’s Leah?The shop?”
“Leah’s doing good,” I signed, smiling.“College has been really good for her, and I’m hoping that it’ll help if Tullie gets that promotion.”
“She’s not a little girl anymore,” Roxanne reminded me.“Even if he gets that promotion, she’s old enough to visit him if she wants to.”
Last month, Tullie had called to tell me that he was up for another promotion, but instead of it moving him a couple of towns over like the last promotion had, this one would move him out of state, and he just wanted me to know since Leah’s free time would really be divided between us now.
“You’re right,” I signed, trying not to worry too much.“Besides, Colorado isn’t that far away.Plus, Tullie and I get along well enough that he can always come back here if Leah’s not up for visiting him in Colorado.”
Roxanne grinned before signing, “Do you know that you have a leaf in your hair and that your ponytail is trying to escape its confinements?”
