Page 128 of Fish out of Water
“Everything okay?” My mother stood in the doorway, watching as I organized Julia’s shorts on a shelf.
“No.” I was losing my mind.
I stopped what I was doing, stepping back to rub both hands over my face.
“Seems like you’re a little frustrated.” She reached out to adjust my half-assed hanging of the orange dress Julia wore two nights ago.
“I’m just tired.” I grabbed a shirt and pulled it on, buttoning down the front.
“It’s easy to get caught up in the way we think things should be.” My mother stepped into the space, coming to fix the collar of my shirt. “Instead of focusing on how they really are.”
“I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.” I didn’t have the bandwidth to figure it out either.
Didn’t really care.
“It means that sometimes things are simpler than we try to make them.” She smoothed down the front of my shirt. “Life isn’t always complicated, Grant.” She gave me a little smile. “I think you’re due some simplicity.” Her expression was suddenly sad. “Losing your father was very hard on both of us and I’m not sure either of us handled it well.”
“Is there a way to handle that well?”
She huffed out a laugh that was all air. “I suppose there’s not.” Her eyes moved up to my face. “I wasn’t sure how to help you.” One hand came to rest on my cheek. “I wasn’t even sure how to help myself.”
I was seventeen when I lost him. A point in my life when I was as self-centered as it got.
Which meant it never occurred to me that my mother also struggled with the loss.
“I didn’t expect you to help me.”
Her smile was soft. “I did.” The warmth in her gaze evaporated, sharpening in an instant. “And then you started bringing that girl around.” Her lip curled. “What was her name?”
There was only one woman in my past who could elicit such a strong response from my mother. “Megan.”
“That’s right. Megan the manipulator.” My mother’s nostrils flared. “She was foul.”
“She was a learning experience.”
My mother’s brows shot up.
She wasn’t the only one surprised by my words.
I’d let my experience with Megan color my life for years. Let the cloud of self-doubt and insecurity she created hang over me, raining onto any happiness I tried to claim.
And that was on me. Not her.
Some of the wind seemed to rush out of my mother’s sails. “Well. I’m glad you got something out of it.”
“I did.” It took years and thousands of miles to get to it, but eventually I came to a place of understanding.
Maybe even appreciation.
Because without her I wouldn’t be here. “I’m going to ask Julia to move in.”
Any trace of the dislike my mother felt for Megan disappeared at the mention of Julia. “You know, your grandparents were engaged after a week.”
I pulled on a pair of pants. “Don’t push your luck.”
My mother held one hand up. “That’s not what I was trying to say.” She leaned against the door jamb as I strapped on the suspenders Julia loved so much. “I’m saying that just because something happens quickly doesn’t mean it won’t last.”
My grandmother talked a good talk, and while she might feel like she missed out on a few things, I knew she loved my grandfather with everything she had and wouldn’t change a thing. “Hopefully Nonna’s not driving Julia too crazy.”
