Page 109 of Out on a Limb
Collette laughed, it was light and airy as her head tipped back.
“But considering she married your grandfather, I’m not sure she has room to judge you for anything.” It would baffle my mind forever. How a woman like Ruby ended up with a man like Wilfred was beyond me.
Collette’s smile died a little and it made me instantly regret what I’d said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“I’m not upset.” Collette’s lips twisted to one side. “I don’t get it either.” She wiggled a little closer to me and turned her head, resting the side of her face against my chest. “I spent a lot of time after she died being sad that she never knew what it was like to be with someone who was there for her no matter what.” Her arms wrapped around my waist. “But it’s what she chose.” Collette went quiet for a while.
Finally she looked my way again, her chin resting against my sternum. “That’s why I don’t care about money. I just want someone who will be there for me.”
“You deserve more than just someone who will be there for you.” I didn’t like that Collette’s standards were so low.
Because of an old man who had no business owning the life he had.
“I mean,” Collette lifted one shoulder, “if he happens to also be a good cook I wouldn’t be upset.” Her eyes moved to look to one side. “And I guess I wouldn’t throw him out for being handy.” Her lips pursed a little. “And I suppose it would be fine if he was also good-looking.”
“I’m not sure how good-looking I am.”
Her eyes came to mine, wide. Collette’s mouth dropped open and she scoffed loudly. “Who said I was talking about you?”
I almost smiled at how animated she was being for my benefit. “I’m not that clueless.”
“You could have fooled me.”
I slid my hands down her back. “I knew you were interested in me.” I palmed the fullness of her ass. “I just wasn’t sure what in the hell to do about it.”
“I was making it pretty clear what you should do about it.”
She might understand my issues now, but Collette still wasn’t giving me an inch of slack.
And I liked her more for it.
“I wasn’t interested in just sleeping with you, Collette.” I liked her too much for that. “But I wasn’t sure I could figure out how to have more than that with you.” I shook my head. “I wasn’t willing to risk it until I was positive it could be more.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Is that why you keep turning me down? Because you’re still not sure we could be more?”
“No.” It was a difficult admission to make, but she deserved the full truth, not just the half of it I’d given her.
“Then why?”
“Honestly, you scare the shit out of me, Collette.” I couldn’t keep pretending it wasn’t true. “I’ve never really been close to anyone. Not my parents. Not my friends. No one.” I tried to take a breath, but I couldn’t get it in around the fear that held me back. “What if I can’t do it?”
“What do you think being close to someone means?”
I tried to find the edge of judgment I expected to line the question, but it wasn’t there. “I don’t know.”
It was one of many things that kept me away from her.
From all she was.
All she could possibly be.
I didn’t know what real closeness looked like.
“You’ve taken care of me when I was hurt.” Collette smoothed across the front of my shirt. “You’ve protected me. Fed me.” She fingered one of the buttons. “You brought me to the place I love most in the world.” Her eyes stayed on the center of my chest. “It seems like you’re already close to me.” Her gaze lifted to mine. “And that’s not counting what happened during lunch.”
I’d been trying not to think about that.
It was a misstep.
