Page 32 of Out on a Limb
They did drink decaf and fall asleep during Jeopardy.
But they weren’t harmless.
Sylvia squinted through her glasses at Phillip. “I bet Andrew’s cock’s bigger than yours.”
“Can we not talk about Andrew’s p—” I struggled to even say it.
“The word is penis.” Sylvia shook her head. “How do you expect to see it if you can’t even say it?”
“I don’t expect to see it.” Any thoughts I had of seeing what Andrew had packed into his shorts needed to stop.
For lots of reasons, the primary one being the fact that if I didn’t get my head out of my ass we might all lose our jobs.
And I might lose my grandma’s beloved garden.
“Well why the heck not?” Sylvia motioned to me with the hand not currently pouring White Claw into her mouth. “You’ve got a great figure and you’re sweet as pie. He’d be lucky to get to show you his pecker.”
“Like when my granddad showed you his?” My stomach went sour.
“Pshhhhhhshsh.” The sound dragged out as she continued to wave my direction. “Wilfred’s an ass.”
“Did you know he took Cynthia home last night?” Sharon’s eyes snapped my way. “Allegedly.”
“She was still in his bed this morning.” I leaned back as I swallowed down as much wine as I could manage, hoping it would blur the mental picture hijacking my brain.
“No.” Barb leaned my way. “How do you know?”
“I saw her.” I gagged a little at the thought. “On a video chat.” Another drink of wine. “Naked.”
Every woman in the room gasped.
Sylvia scooted to the edge of her seat. “How long would you say her boobs are?”
I snorted out something between a sob and a laugh.
Then it turned to a cackle. One that seemed to keep coming, knocking my head back as I held my stomach.
The sound was wild enough it clearly confused Phillip, who started crowing at the top of his lungs, neck stretched as he rocked on his little chicken feet.
Then he abruptly stopped, butt tucked as he jumped forward a few hops.
“I think he just shit himself.” Sylvia reached into her cooler for another drink before casually leaning back in her seat.
Like there wasn’t a rooster with a diaper full of crap in my house.
Like we weren’t just talking about how I caught my granddad in bed with a strange woman.
Like my life wasn’t coming unhinged around me.
Sylvia popped the tab of the drink and swallowed some down before looking around the room. “So, what are we going to do about these assholes making our girls’ lives hard?”
* * *
“I’M NOT SURE this is a good idea.” I hesitated, my key hovering in front of the lock.
“Too late now. We’re here.” Sylvia leaned back to look around. “Get in before anyone sees us.”
“We’re not breaking in.” Sharon was right behind me. “It doesn’t matter if anyone sees us.”
