Page 68 of The Ruckup
“I don’t give a fuck about our parents.” Leo presses a kiss to the top of my head. “I only care about what you think.”
“I think…” I pull in a slow breath, trying to calm down. “Morning sickness might be misnamed, because it’s the freaking afternoon.”
Leo presses another kiss to my crown. “Stay right here.” He pads into the bathroom, peeling away his jersey and shorts as he goes. Dropping them onto the floor, he collects the plastic bag of items he bought at the drugstore and carries them back in. Retaking his place beside me wearing nothing but his underwear and a concerned expression, he pulls out the crackers and ginger ale, urging me along until I manage to get three saltines down along with a few more gulps of soda.
Once I’m done, my head drops back against the pillows, and I drape an arm over my eyes. “I’m so tired.”
Thinking back, I’ve been tired for a month now. The day I tried to break up with Leo—mistake—I was even taking a walk because I was so exhausted I worried I’d fall asleep at my desk.
If my periods are to be believed, I was pregnant then and just didn’t know it. Thought I’d missed my end of January period due to stress.
It wasn’t a stretch.
“I know.” Leo brushes my hair back from my face. “Why don’t you sleep for a little bit? Rest and see if you feel any better when you wake up.”
I bob my head in a small nod. “That sounds nice.”
I feel the bed shift as he gets up, but Leo’s back a second later, voice hushed when he says, “go snuggle your mommy. She doesn’t feel good.”
Gillette’s cold nose pokes at the skin of my cheek, making me smile. I keep the arm over my eyes where it is, but use my free hand to pat her as she curls up against me, the rumble of her purr the perfect white noise to lull me into a deep sleep.
“ARE YOU SURE this is what you want to do?” Leo’s voice is free of judgment. There’s only concern tinting his words. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to tell them anything.”
Is that why I’m doing this? Out of obligation?
I ponder that a second before deciding, “it’s not out of obligation to them.”
It’s more out of an obligation to myself and the teeny tiny little peanut of a baby making me puke my guts out and nap every afternoon when I get home from work. I’m done living my life for other people, and I’ll be damned if I teach my child that’s the way it should be.
“They need to know I’m the one making decisions in my life, and they don’t have any say.” I always felt guilty not listening to my parents. At the very least considering their thoughts and opinions. I wanted them to be proud of me. Wanted them to see me in a positive light.
But why? Why do I care what people I don’t respect think of me?
I don’t and I shouldn’t.
For them, our relationship was all about power and control. That’s likely all it will ever be. And that’s fine. But I’m the one who will have the power and control.
“You know I’ll support you in whatever you want to do.” Leo gives me a crooked smile. “Unless you want to break up with me again and move back into your apartment.
I wince, because I still feel freaking terrible about that. “I’m —”
Leo’s thumb comes up to press against my lips. “Don’t apologize. You were trying to do what you thought was right.” His smile widens. And everyone’s allowed to be wrong sometimes.”
I really was wrong, but it was for the right reasons. I was attempting to protect Leo, but in the process, I did to him what people have been doing to me. I took away his choice. I made a decision about his life and what was best for it.
Thankfully, I came to my senses relatively quickly. I’ll never be grateful to Drake for anything, but I can admit he played a part in my change of heart.
Leo’s hand moves to cradle my face, his thumb brushing over my skin. “You can do this however you want, but if you decide to do it in person, I’m going with you.”
“I’m not doing it in person.” They don’t deserve it. Not after essentially cutting me off when they found out I was continuing my relationship with Leo whether they liked it or not. Honestly, they don’t deserve this information either, but I don’t want to put my Abuela in a position where she has to keep a secret. She would do it in a heartbeat, but I’m not going to give my mother any reason to put blame on my shoulders.
She’s the one who deserves to carry that shit.
“Do you want me to stay here, or do you want me to give you privacy?” Leo smooths a hand through my hair, his touch gentle and grounding. “Or, I can be the one to call them. Let them be pissed at me instead of you.”
That makes me laugh a little in spite of the way my already touchy stomach is rolling at the thought of calling my parents. “Oh, they are already going to be plenty mad at you.”
My parents love to point the finger at everyone else. They love to pretend their hands are eternally clean and the fault lies everywhere but at their own feet.
