Page 34 of The Ruckup
I don’t hate it. I like that she knows she can be who she is around me. That she doesn’t try to hide what she’s thinking or how she feels.
But right now—and maybe for the next little while—I really wish she’d hide a tiny bit of it. For my own sanity.
Because that shit was already hanging by a thread even before she asked why she shouldn’t look at me like she’s imagining sucking my dick.
I scrub one hand over my face, willing the desire coursing through my veins to calm the fuck down. “Because I’m trying really hard to do what’s right.”
A lot of people have done a lot of shit wrong when it comes to Maddie. Her parents. Her ex. They tried to control her. Tried to make her fit inside a box they created. I don’t want to do that.
I also don’t want to take advantage of her when she’s in a bad place. And if going through a terrible divorce from an abusiveman who just broke a protection order—while fighting parents who are still attempting to control your life—doesn’t constitute a bad place, I don’t know what does.
Maddie’s eyes slowly lift from where they’ve been dragging over me. “Whose version of right?”
I open my mouth but realize I don’t have a good answer for that. The only version of right I have is my own. I don’t know that it will do my self-control any favors to hear Maddie’s.
So I decide to come at this conversation from a different angle. One that might explain my intentions a little more clearly. “I need you to know I brought you here to feel safe. Not so I could get my hands on you.”
Maddie rubs her lips together, head tilting as she thinks over what I’ve said. “Okay.”
I try to figure out what she’s agreeing to, but come up empty. “Okay, what?”
“Okay, you shouldn’t put your hands on me then.” Maddie steps closer, lifting the tips of her fingers to trace down the center of my chest. “But I would definitely like to get my hands on you.” The tip of her tongue peeks out to make a quick pass across her lower lip. “Unless you don’t want me to touch you.”
Coming into this, I expected Maddie to be a little shy. Hesitant. Cautious.
I worked hard to show her she could trust me. To show her I would never treat her the way Drake and her parents do. It seems like she believes me, and now I don’t know where to go from here.
I’m a fast mover. I always have been. It’s the thing that ruined almost every relationship I tried to create. When I decide I want something, I go all in. No uncertainty. No second-guessing. Just balls to the wall.
I’ve had my heart broken a few times because of it, but it’s not me I’m worried about. I can handle it if all this goes tits up.
But where will that leave Maddie? She’ll have to go back to her apartment, and Drake will know exactly where she is. Maybe move away. Find a place to start over.
That can’t happen. I can’t let that happen. So I have to pace myself. And I’m really fucking bad at that.
But pacing doesn’t mean stopping, right? Technically, we can continue to move forward. I just need to do it at a reasonable speed. Whatever the hell that is.
“There is nothing I want more in this world than for you to touch me, Miss Miller.” I catch her hand as it immediately moves for the front of my pajama pants. Circling my fingers loosely around her wrist, I lift her palm to my lips, pressing a kiss to the center. “But there’s no reason to rush. We have plenty of time.”
Maddie’s dark eyes move over my face as a sad smile lifts one corner of her mouth. “You think that, but you don’t really know how much time we have left.” Stepping closer, she brings the soft lines of her body flush with my front. “I’ve missed out on so much, and I don’t want to miss anything else. I don’t want to put things off. I want to take every good thing this life is willing to give me when I have the chance.”
There’s passion in her words. Certainty. Maybe even a little defiance. Like she’s daring me to question the way she’s decided to move forward.
I won’t. Not ever. I genuinely want Maddie to live life the way she chooses.
But this revelation does make me ask, “Is that why you snuck away from the party with me?”
It’s something I’ve frequently wondered. As I’ve gotten to know her better, what happened at the party seems so out of character. And maybe it was out of character for Maddie.
The old Maddie. The one who let other people dictate her life.
But the woman I’m facing now doesn’t seem to be as worried with what other people think. I’d like to hope I’m playing a small part in that change.
The sad smile on her pretty face morphs into something genuine, brightening her entire expression in a heartbeat. “Are you asking if I thought you were going to be a good thing?”
“I’m less concerned with what you thought I was going to be than with what I actually was.” I know Maddie enjoyed herself that night, but I want to be sure she doesn’t regret it. It’s one thing to say you want to be different, but sometimes different isn’t always better.
Maddie’s fingers tease along my stomach, but I can’t bring myself to stop her. “You’re definitely a good thing, Leo Casselini.” Her touch slides lower, but doesn’t quite reach the straining line of my dick. “And I want you to think I’m a good thing too.”
