Page 87 of Hers To Command
Henry struggled to sit more upright. “Especially one with such a face?” he asked as Ranulf, having adjusted Henry’s pillows, returned to the stool.
Ranulf frowned. “To be sure, it’s a bad wound, but considering the alternative could have been death, I think you should thank God for sparing your life.”
What life was he going to have after this? “I want to see my face.”
Ranulf flushed and started to rise, looking for all the world as if he would rather flee.
Whether Ranulf would help him or not, Henry was determined to know the ugly reality. Using only his right hand, he tried to undo the knot holding the linen around his face.
With a sigh of resignation and an expression of annoyance, Ranulf returned to the stool. “Here, let me do it. God knows what damage you’ll do if I don’t.”
Henry didn’t care why Ranulf helped him, as long as he did. Sweat started to trickle down his back as Ranulf worked and he watched his friend for any reaction.
Perhaps Ranulf had already seen his wounds, for when Henry could feel the air on his cheek, Ranulf’s expression betrayed nothing.
After putting the bandages on the table beside the bed, Ranulf picked up the polished silver ewer that held the fresh water. “Bear in mind that this will distort what you see.”
Henry nodded and held his breath as Ranulf lifted the ewer.
It was as if the right side of his face had been made of clay, pressed and permanently indented by the mace’s ball. It was still badly bruised, a motley mess of purple, red and yellow. The cut in his brow that had been stitched was scabbed, with dark threads poking through the marred flesh.
He pushed the ewer away. Handsome Sir Henry no more, indeed. It would be a miracle if any woman could look at his face without flinching.
“Mathilde doesn’t care, you know,” Ranulf said as he returned the ewer to the table.
How could she not? He looked as bad as Charles De Mallemaison.
But it was not of his face that he spoke to Ranulf. “My arm…I can’t hold a shield anymore.”
“No,” Ranulf agreed, sitting on the stool. “I’m afraid your fighting days are over, my friend.”
Ranulf hadn’t even attempted to make light of his future. This, then, was the hard truth, just as he’d feared.
He regarded his friend with resignation. “Is it difficult?”
“What?” Ranulf asked, confused. “To give up fighting? I have to confess, if someone were to tell me I’d never have to be in a battle again, I’d thank God. I’d forgotten how terrible they are—the death, the blood, the noise. Losing men. Seeing them hurt. God’s blood, Henry, in a way, I envy you.”
In a way. That didn’t make his fate any easier to bear. Fighting was what he’d trained for, was all he knew. “That isn’t what I meant. It is difficult to forget the woman you love?”
Ranulf stared at him with blatantly stunned disbelief, as if Henry had just said something completely, utterly, inconceivably stupid. “You think Mathilde won’t want you anymore? God’s wounds, I should think that you’d have a better understanding of her by now.”
“What have I to offer her?” Henry wretchedly replied. “What lady would want a husband who looks like this? What lord would want a cripple in his household?”
“You’ve been wounded, and in service to her. If anything, that’s only made her love you more.”
Oh, God, this was unbearable to hear and worse to believe. “I don’t want her to marry me out of pity, or gratitude.”
“So you think you should leave her free to find another, better man to marry?”
It was hard to hear the words so bluntly spoken, but that was exactly what had to be. “Yes.”
Ranulf’s expression hardened into his usual sardonic mask. “And I suppose, being the vain, stubborn and arrogant fellow you are, you won’t listen to anyone who disagrees with you.”
How could he be vain with this ruined face? How he be arrogant now that he could no longer fight?
Ranulf rose. “I am no expert on women to be offering advice, and the few times I have, I’ve been rebuffed, so I’m not going to try to tell you what to do, except that I think you’re wrong.”
“I’m right,” Henry replied. “But I’m glad you’re not going to argue with me.”
