Page 61 of Forbidden Dance
I let him know about the class and that my mom is staying with me all day. I want to weep, pretend I’m sick, jump out the window. No no no no!
I have zero interest in showering, dressing, or eating breakfast. I’m doing my best to keep a poker face as Mom drives us to Mindy’s house to drop off Andy, but I can barely hold it together.
Mindy comes out to the car while Mom walks Andy in, and it’s everything I can do not to tell her everything right there and risk getting overheard. I do show her the phone and when her eyes get big, I just say, “Blitz.”
This is enough to make her jump up and down. I give her the number and now she can text me too. Little by little, I’m back in the world.
I ask Blitz to let me know how he’s doing throughout the day. I’ll do whatever I have to do, pretend to have a weak bladder and take a bathroom break every hour, whatever. I can’t think about anything else and going to an SAT class is going to be pointless.
Even so, once I’m in the room with other people, Mom taking up a corner to make sure I don’t jump anyone’s bones, I guess, the studiousness of the others infects me. I’m out in the world. I’m moving forward. Maybe I can apply for other schools anyway. I don’t need my parents’ permission for that.
As we work on critical-reading passages, I find I’m able to shove the rest of my life out of my mind and really dig into how to dissect the sentences to answer the multiple-choice questions. To my surprise, I’m actually doing better at this than anybody else in the class.
Of course, maybe that’s why they are here, because they aren’t doing well.
For lunch, Mom takes me to a small cafe in the same strip mall as the class. A few of the other students also go, and two girls strike up a conversation with me in line. I think I might get to sit with real people my age, but unfortunately, before we can order, a boy joins them at their table.
Mom steers us to the other side of the room.
I have to get out of here.
In the bathroom, I dig the phone out of the bottom of my bag and scroll through Blitz’s messages.
Back at home. Mom is making enchiladas. Probably won’t fit in my costumes even if I do get the show back.
Hope your prep class isn’t too boring. Don’t think about my hand up your skirt while you’re solving equations.
Hannah says the sample video will be ready to view mid-afternoon. Wish you were in it. I don’t even have a picture of you. We’ll have to fix that.
I hug the phone to my chest. I just want to read the messages over and over, but I know Mom is waiting. So I quickly tap out a reply.
Love your messages. Thank you. Prep okay. I’m doing better than I thought. If I bomb, it will be your fault!
P.S. Wearing a shorter skirt today.
I power the phone all the way off and stick it back in the bottom of my bag. I’m going to sneak out tonight, I’ve decided. And if we get the chance, if it feels right, I’m going to move forward with Blitz. I want to. I want him. It’s been so long.
I’ll be careful this time. I will guard myself. No risk taking.
The main thing I’m putting on the line this time is my heart.
Chapter 21
When the interminable full-day SAT prep is finally over, Mom declares she is too tired to cook.
Mindy’s mom insists that Andy and I stay for dinner so that Mom can relax a bit with Dad without us around.
We all jump at the chance for this. I wonder wildly if I can say I’m spending the night, then leave for home and end up having an entire night with Blitz!
But watching Mindy and her mom work together in the kitchen to make dinner for all of us, I can’t do it. She’s just sixteen and I can’t get her in trouble on my account.
Her mom sees how anxious we are to talk and waves us off to Mindy’s room. She doesn’t have a rule about keeping her door open, so as soon as we’re alone in there, Mindy pulls out her phone.
“It’s out, Livia. You have to see it.”
“What’s out?”
“The video.”
