Page 70 of Forbidden Dance
But I still have her. She’s here. And she’s why I won’t go away to college. Why I’ll stay.
I set the hat back on the shelf and head to a studio. If there is anything that can get me out of my melancholy, it’s dance.
I avoid Studio 4 where I always met Blitz and choose Studio 2 instead. The room is bright and colorful. I run through my exercises and imagine what it will feel like torelevéin a toe shoe, extending higher than I ever have before.
Danika pops in and gives me a few pointers, lifting my back leg and squeezing along my calves. We roll my feet over and over, and she leaves me to do it more, as that will be the first motion I take in the new shoes, if I pass.
She leaves the door open, so I hear the rumble of students arriving before the lights even flicker for the transition. I pick up my string bag and head to Studio 3 for our class.
The girls are chatty and excited, seeing each other for the first time since the video came out. They circle around each other.
“Where’s Benjamin?” Daisy asks when I enter.
I don’t have the heart to tell them he’s gone for good, so I leave it to Janel to break the news. They sit glumly for a while, so Janel passes out the ribbon sticks, a tactic that gets any group of kids excited and happy.
We circle the room in a conga line, me helping push the girls who can’t easily move with only one hand. It’s funny and awkward with me and Janel racing between chairs, and before long the girls are cheerful and ready to work.
If only I could soak in some of their joy.
I roll up the ribbon sticks while they run through the recital, remembering when I did this with Blitz, the day he taught me to waltz. I’m having the worst time today, unable to think about anything but him. The hardest part is knowing I can relent. I can pick up the phone he gave me and text him. I’d still be in his life. It’s just so little. And he has so much going on. All those women.
At some point in my life I want to have more than just scraps.
The class finally ends and the girls head out with their mothers. I watch Gabriella with Gwen. If my baby had to have another mother, I’m glad it is her. She cares. She is careful. She pays attention.
Apparently a cold front has blown in while we were in class, so the moms wrap the girls in jackets and blankets, anything they have in the car. It will be a cold walk home for me in my leotard. Maybe I’ll run.
I change shoes and cross the foyer. Every space has an image of Blitz associated with it. I decide that I’ll write him one last time, after my assessment when I earn my toe shoes. He’ll be happy about that. Contacting him will be my reward.
Thinking about this gives me a bit of joy to hold on to as the frigid air hits me outside the academy. The temperature has dropped at least twenty degrees and the wind feels icy.
I hurry along the sidewalk, my arms wrapped tightly around my body. Good Lord, it’s cold.
By the time I get to the park, my nose is running. I pray I don’t get sick. We’ll have to delay mypointeassessment if I do.
My head is down, so I don’t notice the red car until I’m right beside it.
I stop short.
It’s a Ferrari.
I peer in the window. The inside is empty.
A heavy wool coat comes around me, and I whirl around.
It’s Blitz.
I’m so happy to see him that I almost lose the coat as I throw my arms around him. He draws it around both of us, holding me tightly against his warm body.
“Just like a princess to run around expecting people to bring you a coat,” he says.
I can’t even speak. I just press my face into his shoulder, trying not to weep. He’s here. He’s here. He’s here. Everything I’ve just promised myself about not settling dissolves in the light of his actual presence.
“Let’s get you in the car,” he says. “Can you spare a little time without getting in trouble?”
I nod. We walk together to the car and he opens the door. “Keep the coat on,” he says. “Texas weather sure does change on a dime.”
The car is still clean. There’s a fresh McDonald’s cup in the console, which makes me smile.
