Page 36 of Wounded Dance
But I did know. My feelings ran strong. My parents wouldn’t approve. Denham’s ability to live here was at risk.
I should leave him alone too.
By the time Andy was asleep, I felt like crying. I had all this emotion inside and I didn’t know what to do with it. I played sappy love songs on my iPod and wandered the house in a miserable daze.
My parents came home, and I said both boys were asleep. Mom popped her head in the room, but I guess she didn’t really notice from the doorway that Denham wasn’t in the snarl of bedding. Or maybe he actually was home by then. I hadn’t been brave enough to check.
I confined myself to my room, my window open a few inches since it faced the backyard, same as Andy’s. I might catch him sneaking back in if he was still out. The night was hot, and I had a fan blowing on me, so I almost missed it when he slid his window up.
I leaned out. “Denham,” I whispered.
He saw me and turned. “What?”
“Don’t wake up Andy. Mom thinks you’re in there.”
He stumbled back a step, and I realized, he’s not all right.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine,” he said. “Just a little drunk.”
“Drunk!”
“Yeah, you should try it. If you aren’t scared.” His face was twisted in the moonlight.
My anger flared up. I wasn’t the one who was afraid!
“That’s rich coming from a boy who’s too scared to even kiss me properly.”
His eyebrows shot up and he headed my way. “Am I?”
I ducked back through my window. Denham seemed different, really different, with the alcohol. My pulse sped up.
He stuck his leg in my window and stepped in. He glanced at my closed door and down at the fan, which whirred noisily by our feet.
“Is this more of what you were aiming for?” he asked, and snatched me close to him.
His mouth was hot and hard against mine, and he tasted like nothing I recognized, sweet and strong. But it was what I wanted, and I relaxed into it. His hands weren’t slow to respond this time. They moved to the bottom of my pajama top and slid beneath to surround my bare waist.
His touch on my skin ignited me. I gasped against his mouth, but he didn’t slow down the kiss.
Everything was on fire. I was desperate for him to touch me more, everywhere. I remembered what the girl said at lunch.You know you’re in love when you want to have sex with him.
And I did. I knew I was young, but all the girls were talking about it. Some of them had already done it, or at least said they had.
His hands moved up and cupped both my breasts at the same time. I wanted to lie down then, to give in, to let him do whatever he wanted.
I found a belt loop on his jeans and tugged him toward the bed. I could picture myself sprawled across it, my hair everywhere, and him looking at me. I wanted this.
We moved together, his hands roaming my body. I fell back on the bed, and Denham just stood there a moment, looking at me. I could feel him hesitating, breaking away from how he felt and thinking about it too hard.
“We don’t have to go all the way,” I whispered. “Just show me things. You know things, right?”
He let out a long exhale. The bed shifted as he lay next to me. “We’re playing with fire, Livia,” he whispered. “Once we go down this path, there’s a point of no return.”
“We won’t go there,” I said. “Just close to it. Okay?”
He shook his head. “It’s a bad idea, but damn it if I can’t resist you at all.” He leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on my mouth. “I’m all sobered up now.”
