Page 57 of Forever Christmas
Hell never stops.
Even better.
Hell keeps people warm…now I’m hysterical, holding my belly, laughing so hard that I feel a little crazy.
And of course, that’s the moment it happens.
I feel it.
A kick.
My laughter stops.
It’s time, I suppose. Twenty-threeweeks.
I lift my maternity shirt and look at my belly. My hands feel cool to the warm skin there.
I wait.
Then it happens again.
Thump.
It’s barely there. A tiny foot with little more than cartilage, swimming in a sea of fluid.
But it’s unmistakable.
Thump.
Now I teeter between hope and hell. I don’t want the hope. Don’t want the crashing into hell that happens when hope lets you down.
But it isn’t up to me anymore.
Whether I believe this baby will come and live with me, or I’m certain he will disappear into time just like his brother, everything will happen just the same.
I can’t stop the actions that Gavin and I set in motion months ago.
So I have a choice.
Live in hell.
Or with hope.
