Page 15 of Forever Christmas
“Doesn’t matter. You can call them before yourfirst appointment.”
I sit back down in the armchair. “I’m fine now, I guess. I’m more freaked out about feeling the blood than I am about the pain I had.”
She nods. Her hand goes to her belly, then she catches herself and rests it on the sofa.
“How is your baby coming?” I ask.
“Everything is fine. Got the twist tie on.”
“No premature labor pains?”
“Not so far. I hear it will be a bitch ifit happens. Your body does not appreciate it if you thwart it from ejecting something it wants out.”
“Will you go on bed rest if that happens?”
“Probably hospitalized, if we can’t stop it. But generally it’s the cervix failing that allows labor, not labor pushing on the weak cervix. So it should be fine.”
This is a relief. “I’m glad.”
“It’s a simple thing,” she says. “I just didn’t know itbefore.”
I imagine how different Tina’s life would be if she hadn’t lost Peanut, if she’d known to do a cerclage. I can’t imagine being pregnant again, understanding that saving your first baby would have been so simple, if only you had known.
There was no way to have helped Finn.
But if he hadn’t had the heart condition, I know exactly where I’d be, still with Gavin, still in New Mexico. Maybeone day, if we can get this new baby here safe and healthy, my life will shift back onto that rail.
“This isn’t going to be easy,” Tina says. “This time around, I ignored any sign I was pregnant for over a month, but once it kicks in, it consumes you.”
Her face is serious, and I can see the tiredness in her now.
“But you’re doing okay,” I say.
She flattens her hands beneath her chin like she’staking one of those old Olan Mills portraits. “I make it look good, don’t I?” she says, batting her eyes.
“But not so much inside,” I finish.
Tina drops her hands and shrugs. “There’s only so much angst and paranoia other people are willing to tolerate.” She leans back against the cushions and stares up at my ceiling. “Darion’s good,” she says. “But pretty much everyone else, including our dearJenny, seems to think I should be cherishing every moment.”
She drops her chin and stares me right in the eye. “I just want this over. Baby here. Not dead. Doing normal baby things.”
I flinch at the worddead. Tina doesn’t mince words. Never has. She used to do a talking circuit about suicide. The cuts across both her wrists have long since healed, and only people who know about them can spotthe pale pink welts where they once were.
My own history isn’t a whole lot better. Such a long terrible fall we’ve both somehow managed to survive.
And here we are, right back into the fire.
We sit in silence for a while, keeping each other company. It’s the most important thing right now. Just being. Especially when you’re in the presence of someone who gets you all the way to the bone.
