Page 5 of Forever Christmas
“No, I do,” she says quickly, then bites her lip.
“What is it, then?”
“Jenny. And now Tina.”
“Your friends?”
She doesn’t answer, her eyes closed, and flings an arm over her face.
“Hey,” I say. “Are theybeing all smug?”
Jenny just had a baby five months ago. Tina is expecting one in the fall.
“No, no. Of course not,” she says. “It’s just, oh, I don’t know. Stressful.”
“Because they have babies?”
“No. Yes.”
Her throat works, swallowing hard. “Jenny had such a breeze, well, other than that crazy ambulance ride. And Tina is out of the woods. The cerclage is working perfectly.”
“Still hardfor her, though.” Tina lost her baby to premature labor when she was a teenager as well. It took her years to recover.
“I know. I do. I get it. But at least they get that chance.”
“We’ll get it too. I know we will.”
“When?” Her voice is high pitched and full of tears. “Two years from now, when I’m out of grad school? Or the day after never, because we’ll be in debt forever?”
Her words drivea stake in my heart. “I’m graduating in a year. I’ll get a great job and we’ll do better.”
She moves her arm so I can see her eyes. “You think so?”
“Sure.”
I’d move heaven and earth to make that happen.
“In geology?”
“I’ve been talking to the placement department. I can work for consulting firms, especially around here.”
I don’t say that my chances would be better if I got my master’s degree,but I can get started.
Corabelle goes quiet. I wonder if I’ve ruined things after all, if my stupid choice in Mexico will follow me all my life.
“Are you going to forgive me for all this?” I’ve asked before, a dozen times, maybe more. But I feel as though I need to keep asking, over and over, at least until we can build a family again.
She squints as she looks at me. I shift so that I shieldher face from the sun.
“I forgave you a long time ago,” she says. “Every time you ask, the answer will always be the same.”
She turns to me then, pressing her palm against my chest. “You matter more to me than anything else.”
Even though I know this is what she will say, what she will always say, relief still washes over me.
“I love you, Corabelle,” I tell her.
She moves her hand to my cheek.“And I love you.”
