Page 42 of Forever Christmas
Hearing someone else say his name out loud makes my heart clench.
Finn.
“And then I got sick this morning,” I say.
“And pizza is usually your favorite,” he adds. “You only ate a few bites to throw me off.”
Obviously that hadn’t worked.
I sit on a stool by the bar. “I’m due in February,” I say. “I just found out two weeks ago.”
“Seen the doctor yet?” He sticks the lastplate in the rack and dries his hands.
I shake my head. “I’m scheduled for nine weeks, but I can come in earlier if I want.”
“They know what happened last time?”
“They do. We can’t do a sonogram to check this one’s heart until I’m at least sixteen weeks along.”
“Whew. That’s a long time.”
“I know.”
“How are you and Gavin for health insurance? A sick baby is a huge expense.” He leans againstthe counter, his face etched with concern.
“Gavin’s garage doesn’t have benefits, but we bought an independent policy a few months back.” I don’t mention that we did this before the reversal surgery, in case something went wrong. Insurance wouldn’t cover the reversal, but complications would be part of the plan.
“Does it cover maternity?”
“Yes. We made sure.”
“So you planned this? Even withgrad school?” His question carries a note of disapproval.
“I know. We should have prevented. We just didn’t. My two best friends have started families.” I stop. I can’t explain how I really felt. Like I needed to try again. That I felt like a failure and I wanted to fix this hole, if it could ever be mended.
“Do you need help? I can send your mother up there.”
“No, no,” I say. “I’m fine. Ihave a scholarship right now and I’m not having to work beyond school and my thesis. It’s actually the easiest load I’ve had in a while.”
“Gavin still on course to graduate?”
“Eventually. He’s taking off this summer, of course, and putting in extra hours. I’ll try to make sure he goes back in the fall.”
“That degree is important if he wants to do more than be a mechanic. That’s honest work,to be certain, but it’s a waste of all those years of study.”
“I know.”
Dad walks over and curls his arm around my neck. “Don’t feel like you have to hide something like this from us, Tinker Bell. We’re here to support you.”
My eyes prick with tears. “I know, Dad. It’s just so hard and scary. I don’t want to feel like I caused other people sadness and fear too.”
“But we want the chance tohelp. It’s worth risking those hard feelings.”
I nod against his chest. He smells like Woolite and desert air. Like my childhood. Like home.
I’m glad we’re here.
“Let’s head back to the sunroom,” he says. “It’s always been the good place in the house.”
