Page 104 of This Love
How could she!
I knew things were missing. I knew it!
I hate her! I hate her! I hate her!
* * *
My breath came in pants, and I pressed my hand to my mouth.
I knew it.
Something felt wrong.
I wouldn’t have these words on my skin if something wasn’t wrong.
Another woman drew near to my bench, and I pulled the notebook to my chest to hide the words. Could she be my mother?
The woman kept walking, but the fear remained. Anyone could see me here.
I glanced over at the hospital. Did my mother put me there? Was that why I woke up so afraid? Was she why I hurt? Why I had a bruise on my face?
There was blood in my underwear.
Panic welled up. What did she do?
The building was too close. I had to get far away.
I stood up. I felt stronger. My stomach didn’t rumble. The Mountain Dew took that away. The pain was less. The pills might be working.
I shoved the notebook into my bag. I walked another block, careful to take it slow. But I felt better as more time passed. The ache between my legs lessened.
The cars got fewer as I moved away from the hospital. Soon, there were houses along the street. Then, a block full of tall grass and trees.
I darted into the trees and walked away from the road. I was safe here, hidden among the brush. I couldn’t see the hospital or even the street anymore.
I found a bare spot on the ground and unpacked the bag completely. There were more clothes. A shirt with the words “Austin Community College” across the top. Another clue, maybe. A pair of shorts. More underwear. Socks. Then something curious. A small blanket. It was pale blue with dinosaurs. The urge was strong to lift it to my face.
It smelled clean and fresh. My chest loosened. This was a good thing, something happy. I set it in my lap.
I removed the empty Mountain Dew. The keys. The notebook. I found two more small bags. One had a comb, a lip balm, a tube of toothpaste, and two toothbrushes.
Why two?
The other bag held several chocolate bars. I read the wrappers. Hershey’s. Twix. Mr. Goodbar. I tore one open. It had gone soft, but I gobbled it down. It tasted so good. I closed my eyes for a moment. I was okay. I got away. I had a book to help me. I got rid of my pain. And I ate something.
I was going to be all right.
I opened the notebook again.
* * *
So much has happened since that first entry in the notebook. So much. I kept it there to remind you to be careful. It always gets your attention, and the handwriting matches your tattoo. But there is a lot to know, Ava. Take your time.
I’ve organized and reorganized this information to help you reorient yourself to your life when you lose your memory. You can trust it.
There are people you need to know. Safe people.
Tucker. Dad. Gram. Maya. Big Harry.
