Page 51 of This Love
We exited the theater with the others, blinking when we got out into the light.
“To the mall?” she said. “I saw all the stores when you were buying the tickets.”
“Absolutely.” I would extend this date for as long as possible.
She took my hand again as we approached the mob of people outside the theater. I wanted to hold on to this moment. Ava and I, wandering the mall like any other couple. No failed wedding. No starting over. No having to leave my house.
We were getting another new beginning.
It was our sixth.
We got home hours later, feet sore from walking the mall, stuffed with Annie’s pretzels, Dippin’ Dots, and boba tea. We’d bought goofy sunglasses at Spencer’s, a Totoro umbrella at Hot Topic, and a perfume at Dillard’s that Ava had dragged me back three times to sniff again.
We were teenagers, impulsive, silly. We laughed a lot.
It was only when we got to the yellow door of our blue house that I remembered I wasn’t allowed inside without an invitation. I couldn’t take her hand and lead her to the sofa to watch TV or to our bedroom.
I couldn’t even kiss her. Not without risking the momentum I’d gained.
When she unlocked the door, she said, “I’ll run in and get the envelopes for you.”
Well, that was that. I waited on the porch, trying to hang on to the joy of the day. But the disappointment of having to leave her encroached.
She popped back out with the stack. “It was a good day. Can we go to another movie soon?”
“Of course. I’ll text you with some ideas, or you can look.”
She nodded. Her face was beaming. She felt no angst about this moment by the door. She had no context for what I might expect, no worry if we should kiss or not, or what that could lead to.
“Well, okay, goodnight!” She passed me the envelopes.
And with that, she bounced back inside and closed the door.
I stood there for a moment, listening to the cicadas sing from the bushes. The night was warm and still. Down the street, someone started a car. A dog barked from a yard.
She hadn’t locked the door. I resisted the urge to lock it myself with my key, but instead, I went down the steps to the sidewalk.
Even so, I sat in my car for long minutes, looking up at her house, our house. How long would it take to get her back? The risk was always that she might meet some other man in these vulnerable first weeks and months. What would I do if she fell in love with someone else?
I had to believe. I pressed my palm to my collarbone, where the infinity tattoo inked my skin. We had gotten them in the good times to prepare for exactly these moments.
I could not consider any future that didn’t include her, where we weren’t together.
I would get her back. Tonight had been a solid first step.
When I got to Gram’s, she was sitting with a cup of tea at the table in the kitchen.
“How did it go with Ava?”
“We saw Superman and walked around the mall. It was fun, like a high school date.”
“Good, good. It’s always slow going, isn’t it?”
I sat down opposite her. “Seems to be.”
“You are exactly the right person to do this for her, Tucker.” Gram reached across the table to take my hand. “You always had all the determination in the world. She needs that.”
I knew Gram was right. From the first moment I’d seen her in the disco room at the children’s hospital, we’d been drawn to each other.
