Page 88 of This Love
“Stand over there,” a firm voice responded. “Stay out of the way. Now, breathe, Ava.”
I complied because I didn’t know what else to do. I focused only on breathing, and my vision returned. The panic receded.
My clothes were removed and replaced with plain blue fabric like a dress. I shivered from the cold.
The room smelled strong and strange, so different from the house. The bed was narrow with tall sides to keep me in. I grasped the hard plastic with both hands. Squeezing them helped with the pain each time it came.
Strangers surrounded the bed. A woman dressed all in green took a firm grip of my arm. She poked the inside of my elbow with something sharp. I couldn’t tolerate any more hurt and jerked away. Blood flowed down my skin in a river of red.
She quickly wiped it with a wet square, which made it sting. “Ava. Be still.” Her voice was stern and sent a tremor of fear through me. Who was she, and why was she so cruel?
On the far side of the bed, the man from the house tried to lean in. “Ava, please trust us. I know this is frightening. Let them do their work.”
I couldn’t cooperate. There was no way for me to simply sit and take it. It hurt too much to be poked. I drew my knees inside the blue dress, trying to roll into a tight ball and protect as much of my body as possible from the onslaught.
But there was no escaping the pain within. It began again, rolling through my middle like a black wave, menacing and terrible. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to wish it away.
“Think of something good, Ava,” someone said. “Something pretty.”
I tried to think of anything. The house, the dog, the sofa, the people banging on the door.
There had been flowers. They lined the walkway of the blue house as we left.
They were yellow and fat, waving on their stems.
I try to hold on to the image in my head. The yellow flowers were close to the ground, clustered in a sweep of gold. I wanted to lie in them, to go wherever they were.
The pain passed again.
I opened my eyes. A woman with thick black braids wrapped like a crown leaned in close.
She wore yellow, like the flowers. She was not the one who held my arm and stabbed me. “Ava, my name is Kenisha. What can I do to help you?”
“Make the hurt go away so it won’t come back.”
She brushed hair out of my face. “I can help with the pain, but we need to put the needle in you. It’s called an IV.”
“Why do I hurt?”
Kenisha lowered the side of the bed to sit next to me. She smelled like comfort. Like calm. I focused on her yellow shirt and a shiny badge hanging in the center. “The pain is a contraction. It’s time for your baby to come, and the contractions are pushing it out.”
“What baby?”
Kenisha glanced at the man from the house before she said, “The baby in your belly.”
Fear thundered down my body. I stared at my distended stomach. It was large, bigger than the bellies of the other people in the room. When I placed my hands on it, something moved under my skin.
A baby? I understand the word. A tiny human. But I couldn’t picture one exactly. It was only a concept, like aliens or dragons.
“We’re having a baby, Ava,” the man said.
Why had he said we? He didn’t have a big belly.
“You’re in labor, Ava,” Kenisha said. “Do you know what that means?”
The pain rolled through me again. A low keening cry came out of my mouth, as if I wasn’t in control of my own voice.
“Breathe through it, Ava,” Kenisha said, gripping my hand. “Work with the contraction.”
