Page 103 of Bad at Love
He lightly pokes my arm with his finger. “What are your goals then?”
“Life goals? I guess just being successful at what I do. Educate the world about bees. Make a difference in theenvironment, in the ecosystem, in people’s lives. Make the world a better happier place.”
He scoffs, rolling his eyes as his head goes back against the seat rest. “How can I compete with bloody Leonardo DiCrappio.”
“Did you just call Leonardo Dicaprio, Leonardo DiCrappio?”
“I did.”
“And why am I Leo?”
“Because he’s trying to save the planet. As are you.”
“Oh.” I pause. “I’m just trying to make a difference. Even if I save one bee. It’s small but the smallest changes can lead to the biggest results.”
“You are unbelievable, you know that.” He rests his head on the side so he’s staring right at me, eyes focused in amazement.
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting a beach house, Laz. I’m sure when you first moved to California, that’s where you thought everyone lived—on the beach.”
He nods slowly. “You’re right,” he says thoughtfully. “I thought that everyone lived on the beach, drove convertibles, listened to rap, wore bikinis all day long. I was especially looking forward to that last one.”
I reach over and give his knee a violent squeeze so he yelps. “Actually, half of those are true.”
“I also thought they’d all look like you, the quintessential California girl,” he says, his hand drifting down to grab mine. “Blonde hair, blue eyes, gorgeous tanned, soft skin. And it turns out, only you look like you, Marina. Only you are you. Thank god I found you.”
I swallow hard, his words tenderizing me.
I smile. “I’m glad I found you, too.”
That’s the understatement of the year but it’s all I canmanage for now. I’m still reeling at the stark simplicity of what he just said. I couldfeelhis heart in it, like he just handed it to me for safekeeping.
And yet, I have no idea if he feels the same way about me as I do with him. No idea if he loves me like I love him. And I love him, so, so much. Like there’s this endless reservoir deep inside me that I’ve accidently tapped and now I’m not sure how to stop it, or even if I want to.
There is so much love in me.
And…this is a risk. A recipe for pain if things go wrong. There’s a chance I could lose Laz forever, a chance I could get severely hurt if my love is a one-way street.
But I don’t even get to decide anymore whether to indulge the feeling or not, I don’t get to decide whether I love him or not. I just do.
I just do.
“You know,” he says, his focus down on his fingers as they lace with mine. He trails off, rubs his lips together. “I have a secret.”
Oh god.
“The night we met?” he says. “It wasn’t an accident.”
I blink at him. “Huh? You mean, at the show?”
“Yeah,” he says. “I told Jane to invite you.”
“Wha…?” I shake my head. “But you didn’t know me.”
“I saw your picture on her Facebook and that was it. I just...I wanted to meet you.”
I can’t believe this. This is nuts.
“You told Jane to invite me? She never told me that.”
