Page 139 of Bad at Love
This was his book of Marina poems, printed out for me to read.
I sat on my bed and held the poems to my chest and I cried.
I cried because he was showing me his heart the only way he knew how.
I cried because I love him more than anything and his heart is all I’ve ever wanted.
I cried because I don’t know what it means, how we can find our way back to each other, the way we were before. I don’t know if it’s possible to go back.
But I want to try. I really do.
I just hope he wants to too. That this isn’t just lip service. That the numerous flowers and teddy bears and gift baskets he sent my way weren’t empty gestures. That this, us, is something he won’t run from again. I’m not sure I’d survive it again.
Then the phone call came from Noah, totally catching me off guard since it was so late and though we exchanged numbers after Pride, he’s never called me before.
When he told me that Laz was involved in a fight with Daryl, that Daryl was arrested and Laz was hurt, I dropped the poems, grabbed my purse and ran out the door.
There was no hesitation.
Now I’m sitting in the driver’s seat, picking him up for once and he’s opening the door and peering at me in disbelief.
I gasp, tears springing to my eyes.
He looks awful. Eye purple and swollen, lip bloodied. Bruises on his jaw.
“Hiya,” he says to me.
Oh god. Oh god.
His voice. His everything.
Hold it together, I tell myself.Keep a clear head and get him home first.
“Laz,” I whisper to him. Even his name sounds wonderful on my lips, no longer foreign, no longer bringing me pain.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” he says, still leaning against the door.
I nod. “I came right away. Get in.”
“You sure?”
“Please.”
His eyes brighten at that and he gets in the passenger seat, closing the door.
I drive off, nervous, excited, scared. One moment I fear I’ll never see him again, the next he’s in my car. His energy is so powerful, so large, it crackles between us, takes over the space.
At least I know that being friends with him is definitely not an option. I can’t even occupy the same space as him without my heart and hormones melting.
Stay strong.
“What happened?” I ask. “Do you need to go to the hospital?”
“Nah, they already checked me out.” Then he tells mestep by step what went down tonight. By the time it’s all over, I’m in awe.
Not just over what happened. To Noah, to his poor mother. Laz had often talked about Daryl being a tyrant, I just never knew it was that bad. Even Jane was always reluctant to talk about him and more than happy to leave him and this town behind. Laz said that it, the physical violence, hadn’t happened before with them but I guess all you need is that one time. It sounds like if Laz hadn’t gone over there to talk to them, it might have gone unchecked. It might have gotten worse and escalated over time.
But what I’m really in awe about is Laz. The fact that he would drop everything to go there, that he would actually fight Daryl over his family. I just never saw Laz as the fighting type and it probably shouldn’t impress me but it does.
