Page 24 of Bad at Love
“And I’m going to touch you,” I add. “That’s part of the game, isn’t it?”
She doesn’t say anything to that.
I lick my lips in thought, trying to phrase this right. “Can I ask you something?”
“What?” she asks warily.
“Do you not…are you not…physical, you know, with the guys you date?”
“Laz, I’m telling you, it never goes past date three.”
“Well, it’s not because you’ve been cursed by an old witch a long time ago.” I pause. “Is it?”
“Not that I’m aware of.”
“So, are you physical? I mean, obviously there’s a kiss goodnight.”
“Not on the first date.”
My eyes nearly fall out of my head. “You don’t even kiss on the first date? Marina…”
“What?” she snaps. “If I’m not feeling it, I’m not feeling it.”
“Are you…ever feeling it?”
She closes her eyes and rests her head in her hands. “I don’t want to talk to you about it.”
“Why not? I’m your friend.”
“You’re a whole bunch of things right now,” she mumbles.
“Hey,” I say softly, leaning in across the table. “Talk to me. Please. I want to help you.”
“Help me?” She sighs long and loud and gives me big puppy dog eyes. “I’m just not comfortable…with any guys. I don’t know what happens, but I just freeze up. If they touch me, all I can think about is what’s next, what’s coming.”
My god. I mean, I know she’s awkward as fuck sometimes but she’s gorgeous and so breezy, I just thought…
“Marina,” I say softly. “Are you…a virgin?”
Her flush deepens.
Holy fuck.
“This is so embarrassing,” she whispers, looking away.
“Marina, there is nothing for you to be embarrassed about.”
“I’m twenty-nine, Laz,” she says softly. “It’s sad. Sure, I’ve fooled around with guys, especially in college. But when it comes to actually having sex, I…I don’t know. Okay, I guess the technical truth is that I’m not a virgin. My ex, Cody, way back in college, he had the condom on and everything and, well, I guess I was too tense. He couldn’t get it in. It hurt too much. So, I made him stop.” She glances at me. “I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”
“I’m glad you are,” I say. “We should be able to talk about this kind of stuff.”
“You think I’m pathetic.”
“You know I would never think that, no matter what you told me. If anything, I’m…in awe. You’re like a fucking gem. You’re smart, pretty, fucking hot…and a virgin. That’s rarer than diamonds. Don’t be ashamed of it. Be proud of it.”
“But the thing is…I don’t want to be a…a virgin. At all. I know it sounds like an oxymoron but I like getting off. Iwantto get laid. I know what I want and I’m tired of pretending all my vibrators are the real deal. I want that connection. I want that passion, the heat. I need it.”
Bloody hell. I’m getting hot under my skin again and my dick is starting to strain against my jeans. I adjust myself in my seat, trying to ignore it. But fuck...this is making me feel a lot of things I pretend not to feel. Or, at least I don’t often indulge it.
