Page 71 of Bad at Love
But even with all of that, I wonder if she’s feeling what I’m feeling. This shift that grows bigger and bigger each day, like two fault lines sliding against each other, inches at first, until, over time, you can’t bridge the gap. You can only fall into the void between the people you used to be to each other.
Marina will never stop being everything to me. She always was. But now…she’s becoming more. She’s no longer a part of my life, she is my life. Every single waking thought I have, it’s about her. Every word that yearns to leave my pen, they’re about her. The friend I had, the girl I thought I knew, I was only scratching the surface with her before. I had no idea just how perfect for me she could be.
But I’m getting ahead of myself here. On paper, we’re still friends. We still text and talk, even though we haven’t seen each other in the last ten days because we’re so busy.
At least, I hope that’s the case. I’ve been busy writing, going to the gym, practicing new songs with the band and auditioning new keyboard players. I’m trying not to think about the book because, honestly, it’s terrifying. But I would shove all of that to the side if it meant being with her. Ten days is a long time to be apart and even though it was sometimes the norm for us back when we were friends, well, this just shows how much things have changed.
But Marina has other plans. She’s determined to bring in extra income to her business, so with the whole couples dating night being a bust (I mean, whoever thought that combining bees and romance together would work has a few screws loose), she’s trying to take her classes online and make educational beekeeping videos that people pay for. Which means writing out a lot of material for her to go over before she even takes it to camera.
I’ve offered to help her film when it comes time but until then, she’s pushed me to the side and I can only hope that it has nothing to do with the changes in our relationship. We’re on that razorback ridge between being actual friends and being something more and I wouldn’t blame her if she was too scared to take the first step in either direction.
Still, I don’t want to go to New York alone. I wouldn’t take Scooby or Frank, so Marina is the only one I really want by my side.
I decide to call her.
Marina picks up on the third ring. “Hey,” she says softly and her voice is like an arrow to my heart.
I’m fucked.
“Hiya,” I say back, smiling as a reflex, probably like an idiot, and so glad she can’t see me. “What are you doing?”
“I’m just outside, having a coffee, watching the girls.” She sounds relaxed and happy which immediately puts my heart at ease. With all the turmoil with her father lately, it’s a nice change.
“How are the online courses coming?”
“I’m almost done. Thank god. I don’t know if it will be complete shit or not but hey, it is what it is.”
“It won’t be shit. It’ll be mint. You know your stuff. Maybe you could incorporate that waggle dance for the camera.”
She laughs. “Yeah right. This big ol’ butt of mine wouldn’t even fit on the screen.”
“Don’t underestimate the power of your arse.” I pause. “Speaking of your arse, how about it coming to New York with me this weekend.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“I guess there was a better way to say that. My publishers are throwing a party for me in New York this weekend. In Manhattan.”
“But your book doesn’t come out for like six weeks, right?”
“You’re right.” I’m impressed she remembers. Then again she’s always been my biggest cheerleader when it comes toEverything’s Ruined. “But they wanted to get a jump on it. It’s more for publicity and connections. I guess they want me to meet people.”
“Well that’s awesome. I’m so happy for you.”
“So will you come?”
“You honestly want me to?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
She doesn’t say anything for a moment. “I’ll have to see about funds, I’m not sure I can swing it right now.”
“Marina, you’d be covered.”
“You don’t have to do that.” Then she gasps. “Oh my god, if it’s in New York, then obviously Jane is coming right?”
Oh right. Jane.
“Well, I suppose, I haven’t talked to her yet but…”
