Page 165 of Star Claimed Omega
Soleil’s hand stilled on the table, her back stiffened, her spine taut.
She breathed in, slow and brittle. ‘How is he?’
Miral didn’t hesitate. ‘He’s suffering.’
‘Why should I care?’
‘Because you do,’ Miral countered. ‘You’re trying to hide it, but I see the distress on your face.’
Soleil turned her eyes away, her gaze clouded with weariness, her voice cold. ‘We were good for a moment in time. That is not our reality anymore. What I feel doesn’t matter. I don’t think I want to see him again.’
Miral’s brow furrowed. ‘Why?’
‘I can’t wipe the look of hate and disgust he gave me. It’s too painful,’ Soleil added, swallowing hard. ‘Too raw. I don’t know if I could face him without falling apart.’
Miral leaned closer, her expression resolute. ‘He thinks you’re dead, Soleil.’
A tremor ghosted through her shoulders, but her jaw clenched. ‘Maybe it’s better that way.’
‘Nada.’ Miral’s rebuttal was piercing and immediate. ‘It’s not for him, and you.’
Soleil shook her head. ‘You don’t get it. My past is a goddamnedclusterfokk, Miral. My family’s bloodline is twisted, violent, and marked by betrayal and manipulation. My father was a monster. My uncle was worse. I am a creature born in darkness, steeped in it. Worse, I betrayed Santi. He told me so. He said I broke him.That I shattered us!’
She ended her diatribe with a bitter laugh.
Miral gave her a slight shake of her head. ‘He said it out of anguish, not truth. He’s had time to think and is better informed now. He’s accepted you had no choice.’
‘I did, though,’ Soleil said, voice cracking. ‘Ididhave a choice. Like he intimated, I didn’t have the courage. I was too scared of my past, of losing him, of being exposed,of the fokkin’ pain. So I did as I got told and obeyed like a goodRed Queen.’
Miral didn’t interrupt the hoarse rush of words; she only studied Soleil with her penetrating, all-seeing gaze.
‘How are you coping with existing without him?’
Soleil sagged into the chair across from her. ‘How am I dealing with it all?’
She gave a bitter smile. ‘I’m trying to outrun the pain, but anguish always catches up. The memories crowd me in the silence of the night; that’s the worst time.’
She exhaled, her gaze slicing away from Miral. ‘I go back and forth between wanting to cut all contact, clean, final, and wanting to fly toThe Sombraand beg him to hear me out. Then I remember the shock of my betrayal reflected in his eyes and the pain I caused. Maybe it’s good I’m gone. What I did was unforgivable. Yet his lack of faith in me was devastating. I don’t know how to move past it.’
‘Being here on Cybele gives me space,’ her voice softened. ‘It’s allowed me to step outside of the noise, and of him, but I still flinch at shadows. I still wake up with his name on my lips. However, I’m accepting I might never see him again.’
Soleil stared at her rough, calloused hands. ‘None of it has stopped how I feel for him. I miss his presence, his voice, the way his timbre dropped when he said, ‘mi sol’. I yearn for his touch, Miral, the rest of it.’
Miral’s fingers closed over Soleil’s. ‘Go on,’ she encouraged.
Soleil inhaled. ‘Hope’s hard to kill. I still mourn the life I thought we were building. I grieve it like a death, but I now know it was not for us.’
Miral tightened her grip on her friend. ‘Then give yourself more time. Your soul might heal, and you may change your mind.’
Soleil nodded, releasing one hand and brushing a tear from her cheek with the back of her wrist.
‘Nada, I can’t see it. Still, I want to be whole again. Not for him. For me. For whoever the universe might send my way next, or not. I’m open either way. I’ll let the stars sort that shit out.’
Her breath hitched. ‘Butnaam. I still miss him every day. I still carry the ache of what we had. And no matter how far I’ve come, it stillfokkin’ sucks.’
Miral held her hand, lending her strength to a shattered woman trying her best to mend.
Miral’s voice cut through the charged silence like tempered glass. ‘He’s suffering. You’re hurting. You both need each other more than you know.’
