Page 77 of Guiding Desire
“Do you want to go straight to bed? Anything else? I don’t know what your normal routine is.” Senlas ran a hand along Orrey’s spine, giving him a gentle nudge to get him to move past the entranceway and into the apartment.
“Oh, I…”
Orrey slid his shoes off and walked over to the cloud couch, feeling heavy, but also not. If this was real… If this was real, then he could not let himself dream. If this was real, Col had likely had a point about how it was Orrey’s duty to protect Senlas, and even if that weren’t the case, that duty was something Orrey could understand, something he could fit into the old order of his mind.
He dropped on the couch but kept his back straight, feeling Senlas watching, hovering.
“Can we try the channeling again? I figure I should do my best to learn.” He looked at Senlas. “Should we even do it every day? How much of it do you need?”
Senlas crossed his arms. “I can get by with my meds for day-to-day stuff. Anything sustained or very intense takes longer to get out of my system without a Conduit.” He tapped his fingers, his cheeks darkening. “I’ll teach you what I can because you’re right. You should learn. But I don’t want to be with you just because you’re better than any medication. I want you because I want you.”
“But the imprinting—”
“Fuck that. I can imprint on you and hate you, which I don’t. I happen to have imprinted on you and want you, and no, this isn’t a coma brain hallucination, kitten.”
“I’m deciding to keep an open mind about that,” Orrey said, which got him Senlas rolling his eyes. “But I’ll assume a coma is the worst case, which means this is all real. Probably. And I’d like you to teach me channeling.”
Senlas sighed. “Of course I will.”
Orrey nodded. “Good. Should we get started?”
“Fine. Before we do, know that, more than your channeling, I’m interested in having you underneath me again, tasting your skin again. I want to see your face when I’m inside you.”
Senlas followed that up by joining Orrey on the couch, sitting next to him and taking both his hands.
Meanwhile, the words were fire to something inside Orrey, something he hadn’t known lived there, something that wanted to burn.
I want to see your face when I’m inside you.
“Kitten. You listening? You’re just buffering. Try what I showed you before.” Senlas shook Orrey’s hands.
What am I doing?Orrey thought.Why am I feeling like this, why do I want to see his face when he’s inside me too?
Each and every time Orrey had been intimate with someone, his brain had never just shut off. He’d heard others in his cohort talk like that, had read about people experiencing sex like that, but never him.
And yet, when he pulled his hands free and wrapped them around Senlas instead, kissed the Guardian, it felt like his brain didn’t need to be there.
What if he…loves me? What if he almost loves me and will soon?
Orrey wasn’t a believer in that sort of thing, but it had been the answer his father and second mother had given him when he’d asked why they stayed with his mother even when she couldn’t always tolerate having them around: love. It had sounded like magic, the way they’d said it. Orrey wanted to know whether it was.
“That’s still not channeling, kitten,” Senlas said, pulling back. His voice had gone raspy, which made a gratifying feeling spread through Orrey.
“I know.” He chased after Senlas’s lips but felt himself held back by an unseen force. Telekinesis.
Senlas cupped the back of Orrey’s head in his big warm hand. “Look, anything you want, I’ll give you, but I don’t want you to regret this. I don’t want to be taking advantage of you while you are in a vulnerable emotional state. And medicated.”
Orrey chuckled. “Vulnerable.” He cupped his crotch in a way he’d never done. “I’m shaken up. I can’t believe what’s real is real, and if I wake up from a coma tomorrow morning, I wouldn’t be surprised.” He stroked himself, which had already gotten Senlas’s attention, but to the Guardian’s credit, he was doing his best to keep his eyes on Orrey’s face. “Can’t I want what I think you offer and be shaken? Can’t I want comfort because I’m shaken?”
Senlas’s eyes darkened. “What do you think I offer?”
Orrey bit his bottom lip.Love.“Comfort.”
The force that kept Orrey from falling forward and into Senlas’s arms vanished, and they kissed again, Senlas’s tongue teasing, tasting.
Senlas hooked his arms under Orrey’s knees and deadlifted him.
“Hey!”
