Page 68 of Five to Love Him
I nodded, drummed my fingers against the cooling mug. They kept saying they liked the sex, but I wasn’t so sure they weren’t just saying that for my benefit. If I could complain about how Tate and Ezra were lacking in effective communications skills, I had to make sure I was doing my part with the hive as well.
“I was thinking.”
“Yes?”
I cleared my throat. “I was thinking about sex.”
I saw their expression change, and they looked up from their phone too. Apparently, some things were more interesting than wallpaper. Good to know.
“Is there anything that we’re not doing, something that you’d like us to do?”
I closed my eyes, thinking, just say it, just say it, just say it. “You know, you don’t always—” If I did say it, would they see it as criticism though? Would they feel like I expected them to cum each time? You didn’t have to as far as my research went. Not everyone wanted to. And sometimes some of them cummed, just not all of them. I didn’t want to make them self-conscious because I was being ignorant, so I pivoted and said, “Maybe we could try a little more? Penetration maybe? A-and maybe even with two? Once you get here and are all here, maybe we can experiment? I’d really, uhm, like to experiment.” I licked my lips. “Or be experimented on. You can experiment on me, hive. If you want to, obviously.”
The rain out there made the world feel smaller. Cozy, as my hive would say. Their hold on me tightened.
“Did you have too much to drink after all?”
I shook my head. “I’ve actually sobered up. It’s fine. Look, I’m not slurring or anything, and you made me drink water. Even with that third virgin cocktail.”
They had the decency to look guilty, at least with one of them. “We are sorry about that. But sleeping with someone when they’re drunk—”
“I know. I went to college. Gran had this whole big speech about consent and about looking out for others, about not succumbing to the pressure of my peers when I know something isn’t right. But I’m not that drunk, it’s been hours since then, and it’s not like you’re a stranger who would take advantage of me. Do you want me to do math to prove I’m able to consent?”
They narrowed their eyes. “Square root of 1,369?”
“Uhm, that’s—how would I know? Something with either a three or a seven at the end though.”
“Cube of 343?” the one with the phone still in hand asked.
I stuck out my tongue at that one. “Are you serious? Who knows that sort of thing? I’m a paralegal who hates that job. And it’s seven. Did you have that kind of thing on your dating profile?”
“We never had a dating profile.” “Did you?”
“No, but I shouldn’t have to answer that either. Well. How about it? Will you make me your experiment?”
I jumped when the door opened and the rest of the hive came in. They were silent for a long time while they took off their shoes and loaned raincapes, and I felt their eyes on me.
“Earlier today, you offered something.” “You made a promise.”
I nodded. “About asking for something that I’d do, right? Did you want to ask me to experiment?”
All of them who were in my field of vision shook their heads. “No. We’d never do that. You will always, always be able to change your mind about how close we can be to you.” “But we did have something in mind, something that we’ve wanted for a long time.” “We think we would like experimenting with you, but we want to tell you what we want first.”
“Should I be curious or uneasy? You’re looking so serious.”
The other two joined us, sliding into the window seat that wasn’t really that big while another flash of lightning painted them in neon colors. I handed them the towel they had used on me. Even with the capes, their hair was slightly wet.
“Thank you. Leo, the thing we would like to ask of you is for you to give us permission to continue your grandmother’s business.” “We would always consult you, and we’ll learn about soapmaking. We’ll be diligent.” “And we’d not change its heart.”
My mouth fell open. Truth be told, since their arrival here, I hadn’t thought all that much about Gran’s business. I had wondered when they’d let me clear out the office to make more room, allow them to have more space. It seemed this was why they’d been so adamant about not moving the dining room there, why they insisted on the cozy meals in the kitchen.
And at the same time, it wasn’t anything they would have chosen to do for themselves I was pretty sure. It was something that I just knew they wanted to do for me.
I looked out at where the rain washed the dusty heat from the world.
“Hive. You don’t have to do that. Gran is gone and I’m…I’m fine.” My eyes stung, and grief constricted my throat. “I don’t sound like I am, but I am. I know I have to let her go.” I looked at one of them. “She didn’t know anything like a hive existed, but she would have liked you. She would tell you that you don’t have to hold on to something that was hers. She’d tell you to build something for yourself.” I coughed out a laugh. “She’d tell you to do whatever you damn well please with her walls, because she doesn’t need them anymore.”
With each word out of my mouth, I knew that it was the truth. It was exactly what she would have told the person I loved and what she would have wanted this house that had been hers to become.
